Kafkaescence

Life is... I don't know Don't know about this. It's pretty cliched. It can be good It can be bad So bland...can you think of anything more powerful? For me, ...

Something dangerous is coming, something mysterious. Meh. Older than DaVinci, older than Shakespeare. These last two lines neither flow well nor develop the feeling any further. Rework these entirely.

Hi, Kaitlin. There're a number of reasons why this doesn't work. First off, this is incredibly meandering. I read the first two stanzas, and then I know exactly what the ...

I'm going to say right now that I've never liked fanfiction. So get ready for a harsh review. I'm also going to say that I have no idea why you ...

Lots of tension here. You've started this off like many detective stories (which I'm guessing this is going to be) - couple people discussing the details of the case, setting ...

The actions made crept down my throat. Huh? Reword this. Beginning to hurt, you can hear my croak. The first clause is really bland. Why did I do it, why ...

[spoiler]"Caitlyn! What are you doing?" A shrill voice barks Sounds weird. I'd get rid of "shrill." . I turn behind me abruptly to see Spencer, my brother [ - big, ...

My stomach is turning, spinning very fast. Meh. Bland. Think of a more creative way to say this. My head is pounding, like a bomb about to blast. My hands ...

Right off the bat, I'm going to say that although sometimes messing around with the format is a style thing, all it does here is make this hard to read ...

It only hurts them To say nothing of progress— Women’s suffrage! Civil rights! (corporate control, rising gas prices— Five dollars they say this May but what of it?) This sounds ...

Okay, so first of all, what's going on with your rhyming? When the reader isn't able to find a constant rhyme scheme in this short of a poem, something's amiss. ...

You're right. This is short. I have one little nitpick for you to chew on. I was so proud when he proved me wrong. First you have the "she" at ...

Interesting. Here are my nitpicks: The ultimate gift to show ones love, "Ones" should be possessive: "one's." Be the one to whom you uncover your lies. "Uncover" isn't the right ...

There's a black where there should be a beat, Huh? Clear up this wording a little. Eating all my feelings, emotions... I really don't like this ellipsis. Especially since it's ...

So. This was... intriguing, I suppose. But. Here's what I noticed. In numerous places, your wording was pretty weird. I understand that some of it could have to do with ...