Published March 9, 2011
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
You're right. This is short.
I have one little nitpick for you to chew on.
First you have the "she" at the beginning, and now there's a "he" too?
I feel useless, since this was so short. But keep writing.
-Kafka
I like what you have here so far, I wouldn't change too much about it. I am thinking that it's about a guy asking a girl out on a date of some kind. Correct? I would like to see more because the short and sweet ones don't have the emotion I like to feel while reading poetry. I do like this a lot, it's more of an exception to my general rule I guess. I would like to see you continue it, however. If you want/need any help feel free to PM me. I do like what you have, don't take me wrong. I just prefer longer pieces. Also, I like your flow and quick rhythm. I would like to see that continued, as well.
Tommybear.
Ello,
Like others when I read this I was a bit confused, but as I read the comments it makes more sense. I'm very glad he proved you wrong, and yes if he had the strength to not do that to himself... he is very far from a coward. Some things in this life are harder to face than death itself. As for the poem... I enjoyed it. Short, sweet, and simple. Well done.
God Bless,
Amber
hey there... Your poem was what I call 'short and sweet'. The only thing is that you need to divide it into paragraphs...that would have made it smoother and there was a bit confusion too. But I still loved it.
Keep writing and please write better...
Harshita...
Thanks for your advice!
I wanted the poem to be a bit mysterious, because it's actually about my cousin's attempt at suicide. I never intended to share this with anyone, so I think I'll add a few lines to clear up the confusion. By the way, I really wasn't sure what category this poem belonged in, but narrative poetry seemed like the best fit. I suppose not, though.
Anyway, I'm glad you liked it
Hi Amanda!
Short and simple... I like!
For the last part, this part is just begging to be put into a different stanza:
Not quite sure why it's in narrative poetry... it doesn't quite tell a story, or a complete one anyway. But I like the ambiguity nevertheless.
Nice poem!
Still, sweet, if of indeterminate meaning. (Can such a thing be?) I love happy endings!
Mrs.E.D.
When I first read this, I was all like wah????
But this is soo short, it's cute.
All I can see I have corrected. And there's really nothing to say.
Good job!
Keep writing!
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-Jojo