My stomach is turning,
and spinning very fast.
My head is pounding,
like a bomb about to blast.
My hands are sweating,
smoldering, very charred. the 'very charred' sounds awkward, like you're taking notes
My eyes are watering,
like the rain upon the yard . When you hear rain you think of soothing, slow paced and healing. 'storm' is differnt, more violent. It could work if you were describing your tears coming like a storm or something.
My ears are ringing
screeching very high. the 'very' again sounds awkward
My heart is bursting,
like a firework in July. i like this
In These troubled times, no ones’ to blame,
lost love is not the cause.
But feelings of defeat and shame,
result and show my flaws. So.. you are to blame?
The way it feels to fail,
to try, and not succeed.comma
Brings about a sharp inhale,
for, your test I did misread. I loved this stanza, kudos
Points: 7297
Reviews: 156
Donate