Fear is Coming

Oops, I guess I forgot a word. :/

beautiful!!!
perhaps you should change fish into something else yeah
and I didn't really get the 'heart soul' thing either but other than that:
I absolutely love it! great write

Milaita wrote:Something dangerous is coming,
something mysterious. Meh.
Older than DaVinci,
older than Shakespeare. These last two lines neither flow well nor develop the feeling any further. Rework these entirely.

Under the water,
cold and dark,
a faint rumbling noise,
as a plane flies by.

Sleeping, desiring, sleeping,
a red rose withers, Cliched.
a black hydrangea dies.
A depressed child cries. Last two don't flow well.

A visit to Japan,
the sight of a bird,
the sight of a fish, Nah. This sounds out of place.
my soul cries out.

Friends, my brother, Change this to "my friends, brothers."
my family,
my heart cries,
my heart dies. Change this to "and dies."

The fear of losing, No comma needed.
those I love most,
takes my heart soul, Heart soul? Huh?
and confuses them.