Jon

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Chamber The silence is suffocating. Life consigned to eternal punishment here deadens, decays, dies in a few days.-

i liked this peice but i think that you should add a little more to it to describe the mood a little more and whats happening in your poem. if ...

Stainless steel bars assigned in black coloring – eyelashes.-- good way of describing eye lashes Feathery lids in forms of strong steel close in on its devil–unknown. Powered-up solely, with ...

i liked this poem a lot i liked how in the end he got what he deserved and that he finally looked at himself but by then it was too ...

this piece was an interesting one but it was a little rushed in my opinion, i think that you should slow it down and maybe describe the bedroom, describe her ...

hi, and welcome to YWS! if you have any questions pm me, that means to message me :D anyway to the critique i thought this poem was very confusing because ...

hi, i did like this story and unlike the other two i will nit pick, i'm not afraid :D i had a problem with the characters at the begining because ...

this poem is very good , there is a couple of little minor mistakes but i won't say them because this was a good poem, i liked the way you ...

[quote] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The cherry-blossom petals get rid of the - are falling like tears into my hair. This is not just some lovers' t

this poem, for me was just o.k., it wasn't great, and i'm not saying that because it was short. yes it was about the trees blossoming and rain, but i ...

i am going to forget all of the grammer, mostly because everyone else did it for me, this poem made mesmile, i think this is the funniest poem i have ...

well, good poem and a deep meaning, now to review: i think the way you have the poem set up should change because it was a little hard to read. ...

Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:25 am Post subject: Shadow Dancing -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First poem after a long break. Be gentle, but firm. ** On

well, demeter and eilmer said it all, i cant find any thing else with your poem, but it did lack emotion yes there was emotion but it was more latent, ...

this poem had a lot of history to it and was well kind of boring, just like in stories you have to have a hook. also it was a bit ...