Jiggity

“I want to be a genius.” The boy dropped his small red truck onto the floor. I suggest you put a space between the two. As it is, it suggests ...

Every moment I walk makes me desire and end an end. And really, this is just another way of repeating the first sentence; there is no need for repetition. Also, ...

Ack, I'm so tired, but I shall endeavour to leave a comment. Basically, I disagree with the first few who reviewed this - in that a) it wasn't confusing and ...

I wanted to be mean, because you disagreed with me on Cooper's piece :twisted: But you're too good for that. :wink: Do you want juice?” he asks. “No.” “Do you ...

It was a special night gone wrong,[s] so wrong[/s]. I don't like this as an opening sentence, and the repetition makes it awkward. My memory was etched with [s]the image ...

which are skewered by my thin pink stiring straw. you either mean string or stirring The slow grad and puff of the cigarette, today is Lucky Strike, tomorrow Reynold's, burns ...

[s]It did not take Creep one day to heal his wounds[/s]. For three months he stayed in Concetta’s room as he recovered, trying not to move too much lest he ...

What the humans have to understand is that vampyres can live a pretty long time You're kidding! No, really? I am shocked. I would not have - indeed, no one ...

Yeah, what she said. Snoinkledoinkle is right, you should put more thought into something before you post it. This is completely random and rather useless. Of course, it hints vaguely ...

Everything was dead silent Is there any other kind of silence? A living one, perhaps? Redundant phrasing. t was dark outside, a sign of the storm ah, no, its a ...

First off, welcome to YWS. It had no number plates and tinted windows, [s]which hid the driver from view completely.[/s] Well, obviously. That's what tinted windows do. Four men, dressed ...

I see though her chicken wire skin, though. I think you meant 'through' initially his house is all slick and shiny and delicate and [s]it[/s] I feel kind like if ...

Well...that was...pointless. Er. I understand this is meant to be satirical, but of what in particular? The superhero genre? Or a certain superhero in particular? Perhaps a story or TV ...

A thunderous roar filled the air, a giant Kraken-like beast rampaging across the Outer Circle Either separate this into two, stand alone sentences or connect them better. 'A thunderous roar ...

Josiah had been right: human blood was worth damnation Just because there's a colon, doesn't mean the following word should be capitalised. You do this again with 'security'. I was ...