Jennafina

Hello. Please copy and paste your story here instead of having it as an attachment. You'll get more reviews if you do. Also, there's a forum rule that says you ...

Hello! Please, please format this. Add more paragraphs, and double space them. If you have any dialogue give that a separate line too. Right now, it's pretty much impossible for ...

Hello! Please format your work! It makes it so much easier to read. :) It's easy to lose your place when all the text is scrunched together, instead of double ...

I don't really like the word sneered on the man's last sentence. Up until then he's been polite and grave. The word sneered seems to imply a smirk, or a ...

Please format your story! It would be easier to read if the paragraphs were double spaced. I lost my place a lot in the middle paragraph. he simply floated through ...

They said I needed to work on my stage presence, it was to blah. To lacking of the excitement that was so very necessary for any performer to be successful. ...

Interesting title. :) It was salad for CHRIST’S SAKE! SALAD!!!!!!!!! You only have to use one exclamation point. Also, italics are less distracting than caps. Please double space your dialogue. ...

Ramwick was too be married, decided by his guardians. 'To' instead of 'too'. The mood was awkward, this was the first Karz had said about the subject with Ramwick, he ...

I think you should make your paragraphs a little shorter. It'll be easier to read if it's less together. Not everything needs a description. I'd rather see some more action. ...

“Well there,” she heard his heckling laugh, “guess we got a little ahead of ourselves there?” This sounds kind of weird. He says there twice. He’s going to hate me. ...

I thought the man was Jonathon, not Kyle, because of the bleeding arm. He escaped her punishment because Sarah tortured Kyle, not him. This is awesome, though. I love how ...

Hello! I've been reading these, and until now, I haven't had a critique. “Stop it, Kyle! You can’t keep manipulating me as you please!” This sounds kind of fake. That's ...

Prologue: At the end of the hallway was the grand hall. You say 'hall' twice. :evil: Tears flowed down the side of her smooth cheeks and she escaped… I don't ...

His gaze was drawn to the Crystal in the centre of the circular chamber that gave of a strange white light “I know where the Talisman of Lucidia lies.” Off ...

Hello! Sorry it's taken so long for you to get a critique. Through this you will hopefully know what I am. This seems a little out of character. I'd picture ...