Jas

Hey, I agree with Amfliflier, this was like a movie on fast-forward. What you need to do is expand this chapter and thoroughly explain each aspect of the plan/pact thing. ...

Hey, I liked this but the format annoyed me. It bothered my eyes and made it hard to connect the sentences. You're MC really resounded with me because I'm having ...

Hey, Very well-written piece. It was rather short and while this might be great for class, I think you can expand on it much more. You also use many fragments ...

Hey, I think it's brilliant. Ditching the capitals was a good idea; same with comma, periods and such. It slightly bothers me how people assume that to have a great ...

Hey, I loved this. It was a bit long but read out loud, I'm sure it'll be fine. I've read this twice so far and the first time, I felt ...

Hey, I liked this. I thought it was an interesting begining to what I assume is a very interesting story. Couple of problems: 1. I couldn't tell the MC's gender ...

Hey, This was a good start but I felt like it was too short. For some strange reason, people these days seem to think that slapping together four paragraphs will ...

Hey, I honestly don't want to be harsh, but by the fourth paragraph I was pushing myself to keep going. It's not that the topic was boring because I love ...

Hey, This was very good. I liked your use of vocabulary and especially your imagery and descriptions. However, the topic/theme was less than great. It was unoriginal and I'm sort ...

Hey, I lovelovelovvvve this piece. From the first sentence, I knew it would be good. I *kind* of expected the ending though, especially when you said Aden was disturbed and ...

Hey, I liked this poem. The meter was good, the rhyme scheme was good and the flow was steady. One problem, the first stanza had the rhyme 'thicker' and 'picture'. ...

Hey, This read as maybe a diary entry or something. I liked the use of second person mixed with first person. Hmm, I too felt it was lacking. This really ...

Hey, I liked this but I think it needs some help. It read as a story, as sentences rather than a poem. It's a bit choppy at times and there ...

Hey, I love this. I saw Mr. Shadow Man as either Death or one of the psycho voices in her head. I love the little rhyme thing. I love the ...

Hey, I'm pretty sure retarded is more offensive than poop. Anywho, this is extremely confusing. At first, I thought Cassandra was the famous "her" then you mentioned slapping (Domestic abuse?) ...