JFW1415

Hmm...I'll try to come up with something while I wait for sleep to come, okay? I'll talk to you tomorrow, just PM me if I forget. :wink: ~JFW1415

Marie: Just leave me a request in my 'Want a Critique?' thread (link in my siggy.) I don't have time now, but I do give VERY detailed reviews. I just ...

Tell me if I'm wrong, but last time I checked there wasn't a short fiction forum. Other Fiction seemed the best place to post this. *Hits head* And that would ...

the point of the contest it that u have 10 minutes 2 live I know, I just think that these instances are unrealistic. ~JFW1415

Azila: I keep doing the beginning with a pronoun thing! URGH! I hate it. :( Anyways, yes, it's the same family as my 100 stories, but only because I'm lazy. ...

Um, guys? Do you realize that this was posted four years ago? Whoever wrote this will be around 14 now - a much better writer. ~JFW1415

Yay! I love your reviews! *Hugs* I'm terrified at the aspect of fixing this up, but still, I love them! :wink: Sam: I've finally got a famous review from you! ...

Yeah, those typos are the result of me writing this late at night. I let my mom read this, since I had reread it WAY too many times to catch ...

Thanks for the reviews, guys! It seems I make the same mistakes every time, despite my attempts to fix them. O.o I will add more emotions, though, and make the ...

Azila: Thanks so much for the review! I will edit most of the nit-picks you mentioned, but I don't think I'll put the flashback in italics. Since the tense changes ...

This has now been edited. I have incorprated what you guys have said, and added a major scene (a flashback.) Please read and let me know what you think. Thanks! ...

I don't understand why the kids were making such a big deal about her sitting beside him. Was she dared to the day before or something? And what age are ...

Your paragraphs are really awkward. You know that a paragraph is at least 4 sentences, right? That's in school stuff. In creative writing, you get to break the rules. One ...

I like how vague the monster was; maybe just make it a bit more foreboding? Let us feel the suspense, the worry she feels. Maybe she senses it staring at ...

Hmm... Ah, yes... This was interesting... I liked how it was written. But I still agree with JFW1415, you need to show us instead of telling us so much. This ...