JC

great job! I can't do half as well at second person, many congradulations!!!!! -JC

Could you do me a favor? (this would also work in your favor as well, you would get more critiques this way) Could you please separate all of the chapters ...

To the second set of stars... One clipped Jack's shoulder, jerking it forward, pulling him back to the ground. Techinicality says that he wouldn't be pulled to the ground, so ...

Part Two: This section was good, only there wasn't enough action in it for me. Just a girl freezing to death. Plot and Stlye: I like how the story is ...

hehe, thanks. There is a tune that goes to this, I play guitar, so yeah....There's a solo and tabs and everything. =D

eww...you used th word rip too many times too close together which made it sound greusome...I stopped reading it. try finding words other than paper becuase the next time you ...

Uh...it's a little shallow doncha think?

Awww, that's cute. This wasn't too cheesy or mushy for me, it was relateable. I love how you worked some story into that string of emotion. awesome job =D Keep ...

CRIT FOR FOUR: This was also good, only I didn't read it all at yeah. I think there could have been more to this, but other than that it was ...

Yeah sure use it! I won't ever do anything with this =D I don't know when part two will come, but I shall PM you when it does =D could ...

ah, well you didn't miss much. The second one sucked and the third was confusing =D hehe. but long as you get it I'm cool =D hehe -JC

They were writing in the notebook.

Sworddance, In another chapter Mary's name is said for the first time...I think it was 30:2...Ortega, or something like that =D Thanks for all the reviews people =D -JC

I agree with Alainna, it is slowing down a lot. There really doesn't seem to be a plot or a problem or anything like that. Conflict. One word that all ...

The shortness worked for this story. I like how you incorporated the past, though I don't really like how the same thing happened twice, kinda repeditive and I saw it ...