Incandescence

Nikiller - This fails for several reasons. 1. An overabundance of first-person references, much in the form of a diary entry. 2. Arbitrary linebreaks with an erratic rhyme-scheme. 3. Over-modified, ...

Tina - Did you hit your head before writing this? Seriously, do not add onto this. Deposit in a nearby trashbin before it contaminates your other work. In the meantime: ...

Cameron, I like the initial metaphor and it works okay as a conceit, but I'd watch throwing in the mosaic on top of the phone imagery: it kind of dilutes ...

Misty - This is largely overwritten and overburdened with information. You're talking about a meth user--thoughts aren't as progressed or eloquent as these are. In a sense, yes, there is ...

Sara -- I'm sorry this wasn't a justififiable attempt for you. Experimentation, though, it always got me. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond, Colleen, Part of the ...

Dear parker-c-penne, Sorry, but this is hopeless - a sort of narrative stream (pun intended) that has given the reader little more than words splashed haphazardly on the page. It ...

Ravenna, Don't kid yourself. It's garbage bin material, not to be recycled. It's a one-trick pony with its lists and a pseudo-meandering style that goes nowhere, fast. It's not the ...

Sabine - I think this deserves another pass or two. William Meredith in his collection, “Effort at Speech” has a love poem about crossing thin ice that’s different than this. ...

Colleen - This has some good material, but I come away with the feeling it's overwritten. Good concept though. It reminded me of driving across Texas on the 59, going ...

TheEccentricScribe - This is the worst of the pieces you've posted in terms of establishing yourself as a poet. Your last couple of pieces are probing for a style, a ...

Seriena, This is five strophes longer than it should be. For this poem, there's a lot that can garner easy praise (relatability, tortuosity of love, etc--mind, it's all pretty boring), ...

broken-image, "Give me a chance and don't abandon me like the sane. I'm living a deadly life on the edge of destruction. To my limits i've been stretched and now ...

Krystalstars, You're showing very little, if any, progress with your writing. You continue to rely on gimmicks. As an example, the short lines in S4 don't merit the attention you ...

Fand. This is substantially worse than your previous efforts. There is very little here worth saving or editing. No matter what the inspiration, the poem must stand on its own. ...

Trident - This is, pardon the pun, dead on arrival. Part I is overall a collection of cliched elements, and Part II provides no resolution, but that's OK because you ...