Incandescence

mariahneu-- The problem isn't isolating your readers. The problem is making them want to read what you've written, which isn't happening here. My advice is to stop reaching out to ...

Tess-- After the first three strophes, the 'me' is overwhelming. Overwhelmingly bad. The reason this doesn't get off the ground is perhaps because it remains idly cycling from one abstraction ...

elephantwalrus: What was lost - About five minutes reading and thinking about this poem What was gained - Nothing This attempt to pack a moral lesson into 14 lines never ...

Alva-- I'm sorry, but this is indistinguishable from the steaming mound of inspirational poetry found far and wide across the internet. Consider dropping the clichés, rhymes, and the didactic instruc

melodicatastrophe, "living in the past, building homes inside our memories eating comfort food and picturing the days to come. because we're all made of bubble-gum flavored medicine of brightly-lit cl

Insomniac, This is not a poem. What you have posted here are best described as 'lyrics', and, for future reference, should be posted there. As far as the quality of ...

Rjjr_vectra, This is a tortured meandering on the way to a questionable point (was there a point?). There are all sorts of problems here, beginning with a first line that ...

Colleen-- Yuck. This is a collection of tired platitudes about dancing and love. It's constructed with weighted linebreaks that are at odds with the sentimental theme you're pursuing. It is ...

chocoholic-- You might be on to something, but the plot here needs some work in the "Believability" department. For starters, I have a difficult time believing a girl would "sob" ...

GingerLizzy, The preachy, second-person narrative is like a shot of strychnine. It derails not only the atmosphere that could have been set up, but also the theme of the poem ...

Jasmine Hart, There might be a salvageable idea here if you clear up the debris of a poor execution. What I can make out is a decently worded bland story ...

Staring_at_ceiling, This is one cliche after another. I'm almost positive every image you used here has also been used in a Justin Timberlake song at one point or another. Rise ...

mariahneu, Each revision you have produced has shown no dramatic increase in dexterity nor in skill of reconstruction. Advice: set this aside. Forget you wrote it, and start reading the ...

apeva, There's so much debris cluttering the way here I wonder what conclusion I reached upon finishing the poem up--ah! that's right, your poem told me what conclusion I should ...

evangelina, The problem lies in that fact that you use sweeping judgments of whole classes of people and in the end it's just a pile of banal rubbish. That you ...