Bin Laden and Hussein,
Massacred by the media,
Gaining fame by faults.
Everyday heroes,
Saving lives and loved ones,t
Their stories forgotten.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
mariahneu--
The problem isn't isolating your readers.
The problem is making them want to read what you've written, which isn't happening here.
My advice is to stop reaching out to the world for inspiration to write your poetry; the best poetry (or anything, for that matter) is the stuff you pull out of yourself.
Best,
Brad
There, that's better.
(Just changed it)
Eh. I suppose I don't like it because it is a political poem. Not to mention, you've already blocked out any republican readers out there. Everyone understands that Hussein was "evil" (almost a modern day Stalin...) but only a certain side of the American (I'm ignoring the rest of the world, mind. XD) dislike Bush. I find no problem with him, although in the sense that I believe that despite some things he may have done that I disagree with I believe I should respect the president of my country. What I'm only saying is, if a hard core republican read this, they wouldn't like it, and because of that you're limiting your audience.
It's too short, and it has a good message, but it isn't a message that I want to read a poem about. And if I'm going to read a political poem, I also want to feel something. Just some things to consider. ^^; don't take my words to heart; I babble.
Thank You
It was short, a bit too short actually. But I quite liked the message behind it. I have not much to say here, only that it could've been more descriptive. But I guess your intention was to keep it short.
Overall, simplistic and nice. But not out of the ordinary.
Cheerios, Chandni
Thank You
Just revised it; now what do you think?
I actually quite liked this. It was short and simple, but put the point right across there. Although, the choice of the two 'criminals' at start really was a downer of the poem. I mean, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton? I'd expect something along the lines of Saddam Housain and Adolph Hitler, y'know what I mean. The poem is just too dramatic for it to be two celebrities, perhaps choose two world leaders, Blaire and Bush? Then revolve the poem around them, it would add something much more than emotion, but also political argument.
I liked the whole; "Gaining fame by faults." line 'cause that is really what happens. Such as Ian Huntley and Fred West; they are technically famous, but they got that fame by doing something so morally wrong that they will be locked away for the rest of their lives. It perhaps shows the morality of society these days; and I really like that.
Good work, just in need of a few adjustments.