ImaginativeInsanity

Hiya, Hypknowsis! You've got a pretty good idea here, the makings of a great story, but for me to really get into it, you're going to have to expand it ...

Hiya, Evi! I saw this on the front page, and I started reading it . . . then it intrigued me so much that I had to read the whole ...

Hiya, Fading Dream! I really enjoyed this piece. The suspense kept me interested the entire way through. The plot was great, your descriptions were very detailed, and I felt 100% ...

Hiya, Faia! I really liked this piece, and I'm eager to hear more about what's going on. Since your characters and plot were pretty great, most of my nitpicks have ...

Hiya, Miniauthor! Welcome to YWS! First, I must start off by saying that I really enjoyed this piece of writing. It was very well written, it kept me interested, and ...

Hiya, runswithletters! I popped into your story because I'm absolutely obsessed with the concept of dreams being an entirely different world. I think it's wonderful, and I've been trying to ...

Wow. Very interesting storyline. I loved the drama of it all, and the twists and turns. Amazing idea! I also enjoyed your descriptions. They were very . . . well, ...

Hello, Elia! I really liked the plotline you established. The twists and turns in the betrayal kept me interested. The backstory alone could be its own story. However, it felt ...

Interesting work. I'm curious to see where this will end up. Sounds like you have a good idea on your hands. :D A few things: Many of you may be ...

I'll start out by saying that the suspense was great. It really drew me in, and it was kept at a nice speed the entire way through. Really good pacing. ...

As everyone has already stated, it could do with a little spicing up. Maybe have your main character thinking some of this as he's getting bullied, or something of the ...

Wow. What a clever idea! I've never seen anything like it before. Like you said in the introduction, it must be really hard to write a character with no emotions, ...

Interesting story beginning. I'm really interested to know who the dark figure is. A little bit of proofreading: "Blow out the candles, Yuki,"my mother spoke [s]clam[/s] [calm] as usual. I ...

Wow... that was an amazing story. I loved it. The emotion you put into it was incredible. I could definitely feel the MC's annoyance, and turmoil, and hope, and desperation. ...

Since everyone else has already done the detailed critiquing, I just want to add a couple of general comments. First off, the good news. It was an interesting story, and ...