Gwenevire

Yay it up! First off. I like your description. But what about more of her surroundings. I am finding it slightly hard to picture this. So she has fallen asleep? ...

Yay! Its up! w00t! I can. This should be I could . I notice that you are only describing what (Sorry I can't remember the main characters name...) (main character ...

I see... Well you seem sad. This peace of writing isn't very good. What do you want us to do? You make emotional people seem helpless and poor. If you ...

Nice. A little short. It was kinda to speedy for me. Try slowing it down and bring more tension upon us if ya know what I mean. Keep going with ...

Thats really nice. :) Its so true. Do you know the Gorilaz? Its a band. Well they have a song called "fire coming out of the monkeys head" I think ...

So now your blaming me? Huh? Your going to push me and mock me as well? I don't think this needs to be spread around Kyle. If your so mad ...

Nice work. Its very ruff but I see where you are going with this. I think you mention her make up a little to many times. Eyes - free of ...

Yay! There is more! The basement is cold today, because it’s raining outside and there’s no heating system. The place is pretty much an icebox today, You say today a ...

I like what you have hear. But it is a bit to perfect. They do need some weaknesses other than being killed by a blade or poison. It would just ...

Its nice. I like your topic but I think you should extend it or add some more description and rhyming lines. I think instead of putting as you soar away ...

Evelyn crossed her arms and leaned back as her mother struggled to remember, after a good amount of time she shouted, up the stairs. I think this sentance kinda runs ...

Its short yet sweet and almost full of goodness. It needs a bit of tweaking. Maybe you should extend it a bit :D Go into more detail about her feelings. ...

Hmm... Its a little to repetitive for me. Maybe you should find some way of adding it together instead of repeating it. like this : I’m sitting at a train ...

That was a lovely little piece. I love it XD Its just so smooth and short. It makes so much sense and you are a great writer! Keep going! Genevieve ...

I like it it need some work. I can see you just quickly did this. Maybe some more description. More pain... More intensity. Maybe you should space it deferentially here ...