Published December 22, 2007
Freak, Cutter, Creep. Names, Insults, Labels. I am labeled with all three of those and more. My friends and I are humiliated everyday by people like you everyday. I can't escape it. You may think you are helping us, by thinking that if you mock us enough, we'll change. It won't work. People like you make us cut. I can't tell you how many times I'll go home and carve names people have called me into my arm to remind me I'm insignificant. That I don't matter. That I'm not perfect.
Others mock us because they think that because we 'don't know how to live our lives' and that 'we don't know who we are' that they should do that for us. They think by calling us names they give purpose to our lives. That doesn't work.
If you feel compelled to mock us, don't. I had a friend that was mocked so much because she was 'emo' that she almost committed suicide. You don't want to have someone kill themselves because of you. Don't think that you mock them just a little because just a little could be just enough oomph to push them off the edge.
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Don't feel so bad. Many consider me Emo. It caused me to experience depression. I'm still on medication and it's been two years. Even so, I got over it. I realized through all of my turmoil I had gain understanding of the world around me. Many have told me I could be a philosopher and I believe it.
I found a purpose and you all can too. Think about who you are and look at yourself from another point of view. My goal is to change this world through words. I want to teach people understanding through seeing. To teach people to look at the situation through another point of view. It may not happen right away, but if just one person can see as I do, than my dream will live on.
With a dream we find a purpose. With a purpose we find contempt. With contemptment we can see. With sight we understand. With understanding we know. With knowledge we live. The code I live by. it can help any one. I hope that was constructive.
Well isn't emo about letting your own feelings of sadness out for the world to see? If people think that emo people are odd, why should they bottle those feelings up on the inside? Nobody tells emo people to hurt themselves, they do it under their own free will, and if they are not acting under their own free will then there are drugs for that.
(Just playing devil's advocate)
It's an interesting subject to write about. Others have tried abortion, cloning, rape but I've seen few who have seriously tried to write about cutting. You start off well with some effective techniques (The capitalisation of the list of words was effective) but towards the end it descends into a bit of a rant. Try to structure this more and maybe generalise it a little. Drawing on your own experience works well but you have to be careful to present it in a way that it has the right effect on your audience.
What response was you looking for? If you was looking for people to be creeped out, you need more graphic imagery (and a rating) or if you want your audience to sympathise with cutters then try to turn it into more of a narrative. Introduce your characters (whether they be people you know or fictional) through story. Tell your reader how they have been mistreated and then go on to explain how it led them to cutting and close to suicide.
Really it depends on whether you want this as an effective piece of writing or an expression of emotion. It could be both of course but it needs some work.
Hope this helps,
Heather xx
P.S. I don't think cutting is right but only because I worry for your health and if you ever want to talk to someone about it, I wont mock you.
Technically, it was a comment on the work, because it's plain that the author is talking about himself in the piece. If he's talking about himself in the work, why can't I talk about him?
Also, I don't particularly enjoy being specifically targeted for my post when others before mine deal mostly with personal squabbles or "What are you guys talking about anyway?"
You are supposed to comment on the work, not the author.
Touché Master Mod, but I was offering an honest suggesion in my mentioning of medication and the like. So sorry if it wasn't "constructive" enough for you.
Obviously, with responses like that. Be constructive, or don't comment.
If insults affect you that much, you shouldn't be complaining about it to us; you should seek medication or some other form of mental assistance. Alos, I don't think the main member base here is made up of people who insult "emos" on a regular basis anyway. This is a poor crowd to appeal to.
At the moment, this is just a rant. The reader is being treated as someone who is at fault when that might not be the case at all. Passion is good in writing, but it needs to be directed at the people it aims to be directed at, not at the innocent bystander.
Clarify it more. What is an emo? There are many definitions of emo... how would you define it as? How do you wish to be treated?
By taking a breath and answering the questions I posed above, you'll get a tighter piece of writing that appeals to a broader audience.
Good luck!
Okay, lets end this topic and get back to crits...
What are you guys talking about anyway?
Prok
Take a chill pill. How am I supposed to know. From what it looks like it was about how sad you where. And from what I have heard from you I was the cause of your emoness.
Well sorry for assuming things buster. But don't be a hypocrite.
All of you will calm down, or this topic is locked. Follow the rules of the forum, or face the consequences.
Mad has a point. Most kids I know that cut, cut more when people make snide comments about them. I don't cut, but when other kids sit there and call me names, I consider it. Kids calling other kids names is something that gets all our minds turning...the perfect murder has been the latest topic when it comes to discussing the "preps" as we call them.
Labels= preps, jocks, posers, cutters, emos, weird, retarted, "mentally ill", popular, so on and so forth.
All these do is bring pain to people everywhere. The girl who thinks she's not pretty because someone else said she wasn't, and tries to perform plastic surgery on herself. The other kid who's whole life is ruined because he believed the kids who said he wouldn't amount to anything; he allowed them to birng him down. The writers who didn't make it because someone else said so. These are things we put up with everyday that just amke things work. If we all stopped saying mean things and started making nice comments, how much better would this all be?
Gwen, if you wouldn't have made that post, no one except for a select few would've known that you were even slightly involved. YOU are the one who just spread it around by posting that.
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What the heck are you talking about? I was sticking up for all my friends. I don't want to see my best friends die!!! She almost died Gwen. I don't want anyone to suffer the pain she and I felt! You are so self centered! This isn't about you!!!! This is about Emo's!!! NOT ABOUT YOU!!! GET OVER YOURSELF! NOT EVERYONE IS INFATUATED WITH YOU!!!!
So now your blaming me? Huh?
Your going to push me and mock me as well? I don't think this needs to be spread around Kyle.
If your so mad whey do you want me to forgive you?
Before you kill yourself there is one thing I must say. All I wanted was to be friends. Nothing more nothing less.
Now you have gone emo and your pushing yourself onwards. Don't get all choked up on me. I am nothing to you. Just forget me.
It will help us all.
Don't mock that store. It rocks.
So what you're saying is:
*goes to Hot Topic*
Emo person --> gets teased --> becomes more emo --> gets teased s'more --> suicide
Now I'm depressed.