GryphonFledgling

Hehe... Sounds like my experience ice skating last year. I fell quite a lot that night. I was better by the end, but certainly was suffering from a bruised pride. ...

Yes, I must second KJ in that this title has already been used (it is a fabulous book though, I hugely recommend it). I would change it, just for the ...

You jump right into the action here. Perhaps it would be best to take it a bit slower and start the day normally, but the character feels strange, like her ...

I'm a bit confused: how would putting fairy babies into human cribs keep them alive and unknown? It seems to me that if humans were that ignorant, putting a fairy ...

This was quite sad. However, I really didn't feel that the character was eight years old. The vocabulary for one thing, (inscription/description) seemed a little old for a child that ...

Hehe... Nail clippers. I swear, one of man's best inventions ever. But yes, they are sadly under appreciated and abused. Nice job drawing attention to them. I liked the poem. ...

1. I'm pretty sure that the part where Javier took the girl was a bit choppy. Any suggestions on how to fix that? Other people have beaten me to this ...

I second the suggestion to separate it out into different paragraphs. As is, it is rather hard to read. This was kind of short, yet powerful. I especially liked the ...

Interesting beginning. However, it was a little hard to read because of most of it being bunched together into a gigantic lump of words. Is that all supposed to be ...

Hm... What time period is this supposed to be written in? It just seems that Jacki is a quite modern name and from the horses and torch and so on ...

*smiles and nods benignly* You frighten me Mark. Sometimes you really do. An entire religion devoted to Milkman? I love Milkman as much as anyone, but you know that Postman ...

*picks self up from floor* *wipes tears away from laughing* This was quite the amusing piece. I feel bad, because I have no critisicm, only barely contained laughter. Very nice ...

I agree with Rieda that you could have had more by way of your lines. They were so serious and somber, while the Lord's Prayer was a little more sarcastic ...

Ah, my eeeeyes! I would really suggest breaking this into seperate paragraphs, with an extra 'enter' space in between each paragraph. As is, the thing is written in a huge ...

Yes, very, very short. If it is this short, are you sure that your story needs a prologue at all? I mean, we didn't get very much information at all ...