Griffinkeeper

If I need a glossary to understand your poem, then perhaps it isn't written clearly. Really, I can see a glossary when there is a lot of acronyms or unique ...

Hiya Black Dove, this was good, yep a little on the light side for detail but remember the quote "simplicity in detail" so make it a little more detailed and ...

Ugh. There is so many implausible coincidences and cliche plot twists that my eyes hurt. Exhibit A: The unconcious person wakes up. Don't ask me why they don't die, or ...

Neato! I like how you incorporated things that can be seen on a daily basis, like the electronic message board. I'm not one to hand out a 'Great job; keep ...

What a boring story. This mage wants a kingdom, so he just kills the duke and inherits it. No real struggle, no real difficulty. Where is the drama? Where is ...

Wow, a gigantic slug of purple prose. Let me see if I can help you improve this. I took your post, and edited it. Here's my version. The last [s]slithers[/s] ...

I deleted the other thread. The first line is okay because it is: Sear-ing in-fer-no. I'm more interested in the things afterwards. Fire Searing inferno The light of the sun ...

Welcome to YWS. Make sure to post critiques before you submit another literary piece. I'm here to help your writing out. This can be a little painful, but it will ...

I'm Grif and I'm here to help. The first thing I noticed about this story was that it was very hard to follow the movements of the characters. This is ...

The name "Yuudia" is really tough for me to pronounce mentally, something easier might be better. The crewmates seem really pathetic too: are they unarmed or are they merely cowards? ...

Alarms still blaring in the distance, he shifted his pack into a comfortable position and started sneaking his way over the rest of the hill. He had to get out ...

I'm sorry, but the purple prose that this piece exhibits has rendered things like the plot and character impossible to follow. Purple prose is when the reader uses overly ornate ...

Hi! This is my first submission, so please be kind! Criticise on whatever you want; did you find it boring, over descriptive, etc. Ignore things such as spelling, though. I'm ...

I thought the repetition of Betrayed Overwhelmed disbelief was very annoying. It is being used as a frame, but it doesn't work. A poem can stand on its own if ...

Gray and Grey are both acceptable spellings for the color. The only difference between them is which side of the Atlantic you happen to be on. Incan is giving constructive ...