Griffinkeeper

Welcome to YWS! I was looking for a nice poem and I think I've found it. It tells a story well. It's simple, but that's a good thing. The one ...

Welcome to YWS! I kind of grew bored of the nostalgic reminiscing that starts the book off. It seems like a bad way to start a romantic story. The only ...

Welcome to YWS! Overall, the poem reminds me of one of those friends who means well and wants to cheer you up, but just ends up annoying you. So, if ...

Welcome to YWS! Don't be embarrassed about old work; they are a good way of measuring just how far we've come. No one just starts writing well, it takes plenty ...

Hi there. It's hard to give an impression on the piece, because it is so badly formatted. It is hard to read because there are no paragraphs. You'll also want ...

I rather like this. Let's see if we can clean it up a little. "Just..pretend." Ellipses have three dots, not two. Without that extra dot, it creates an odd timing. ...

I like the concept of the poem, but sometimes the flow is off. First Stanza I’m shit at keeping secrets So they never stay discrete Leave me be; don’t ask ...

I like your enthusiasm! Writing for an older character is a challenge and I'm glad to see that your adventurous with it. There are some major points which hinder the ...

Welcome to YWS! Your poem has plenty of room for improvement and with a little more care, I'm sure you could turn it around. Suzanne mentioned proper grammar and spelling. ...

The streetlight was broken and the shadows were swallowing his face How does a shadow swallow? I grabbed my brothers bat and woke him up "Jimmy wake up, Mom is ...

It doesn't seem to work well. There is plenty of nice imagery, but they don't seem to connect to tell a story. Twenty two more feet up, Is the top ...

Welcome to YWS Captain Random! The poem has turned into a blob of text, that makes it difficult to read and even harder to critique. Most critiques involve looking at ...

It seems disharmonious somehow. The lines rhymed, but they didn't seem to flow. i wrapped my world around you and you always stuck with me Through the good times and ...

This poem is much too short and way too weak. I think it boils down to a lack of character development. There is nothing in the ten lines that really ...

Trenton and I left as was informed, dark. Um... what? I t had been several hours since I first met Trenton , and I was trusting him to lead me ...