*digging through the box of my baby's things and i found this poem i wrote for him.*
I remember when you were a puppy
so small and yet so big to me
running around and exploring the world
and falling asleep in the shade of a tree
frolicking in the snow
and having parties with tea
Then you got a little older
and big as life can be
swimming at the beach
looking out to the sea
Mom might have bought a new dog
but your the dog for me
The years grew again
it was quiet plain to see
you were more then a dog
you were my baby
i wrapped my world around you
and you always stuck with me
Through the good times and the bad
you filled my heart with glee
you were my best friend
no one could disagree
ill never love another dog like i loved you
this i can guarantee
*mommy misses you baby!*
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
This is a sweet poem, very cute. However, you need to work on your grammar. Capitalise your I's, and there are places where you said then instead of than, quiet instead of quite, etc. It didn't quite flow, either. Maybe because some lines had more syllables than others, so try to keep it consistent. Also, it kind of sounds in the first stanza like the dog drank tea.
Good job though, just needs a little work.
I really like this, it is sweet and touching. I like how with each stanza, it is a different time period. I also like how alot of dog lovers can relate to this, if they miss their old friends. I am also dog lover myself, though I do not have one. Keep on writing!
-Ruth
I like the idea of this poem, but I do not like that you have no punctuation whatsoever. Here is something that caught my eye off the bat:
(You had rhyming but not good grammar, ill should be I'll if you are speaking of yourself.)[quote="allmixedup"]*digging through the box of my baby's things and i found this poem i wrote for him.*I remember when you were a puppy
so small and yet so big to me, (take off the yet so it will flow like this; So small, yet so big to me.)
running around and exploring the world
and falling asleep in the shade of a tree
frolicking in the snow
and having parties with tea.
Then you got a little older
and big as life can be
swimming at the beach
looking out to the sea
Mom might have bought a new dog
but your the dog for me. (Your should be you are, or you're.)
This poem was very poorly written, check through these things before you submit another poem like this again. http://cbapp.csudh.edu/depts/adjunct/mm ... klist.html Please take note that I was not being harsh, just trying to help. Keep Writing !
M.H. Darling
It seems disharmonious somehow. The lines rhymed, but they didn't seem to flow.
You were capitalizing the 'i's before, what happened here? Also "ill?" You're either talking about being sick with an 'illness' or you've been spending way too much time in chat rooms. That's a common chat typo, which should never, ever appear in a tribute to your dog.