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I'm going to have to side with Ed on this one. This poem just didn't do anything for me. I actually rather liked the style, but the repetition of "single" ...

I agree with bubbles. This poem just doesn't go anywhere. I understand she's ten--but ask her if she can write a little more to better explain what she's trying to ...

*whistles* Thank you, EBM. Poems like this give me hope that even though YWS is being overrun by talentless n00bs, there's still a solid base of good writers here. This ...

A void of falling petals Spiraling down in a symphony Singing songs we cannot hear And crashing. Still in silence. Leaving bare the tearstained fingers Frostbitten in the soothing water ...

The day begins when I woke up into the darkness. Nothingness swallows me whole. I struggle up only to be pushed farther down. The world for me ends. As I ...

Wow. Brad--I have to admit, I haven't read everything you've written and posted on YWS, but of what I've read this is the most real and emotional. Usually your prose ...

Hm. I do believe you're missing the beginning of a sentence/paragraph at the very start? ...Ha, never mind, you just told me via AIM that it's supposed to be like ...

I think Clau's hit the nail on the head. This works well enough as a bit of a vignette--like a pretty photo you've taken. But it doesn't tell a story. ...

‘Because a true king looks toward the sky, Though some revolt and others conspire, A true king will never die. I'd suggest changing "toward" to "to" in the first line ...

It looks like DD and Bradshaw have gotten here before me, but I'll throw my own two cents into the pot anyway. ^_^ stratosphericallyspeaking, time is nothing; up here, closer ...

I think that if you cleaned it up and completed deleted the last three lines, it could be a decent riddle. The "it is" repetition got old very quickly, because ...

It's not bad, and it looks like a lot of the nitpicks have already been taken care of, so I'll just add my own two cents, shall I? The concept ...

Pulchritudinous is an amazing word. Just... not for a poem. As Snoink says about, it's incredibly unpoetic. And it also makes the reader stop, think, and wonder what the heck ...

Your imagery is gorgeously vibrant as ever, Bradikins, and I loved how the peaceful feeling of the first two stanzas (in my head, "Glosoli" by Sigur Ros was playing) gradually ...

You know, I think this might actually work better recast as prose. Prose doesn't have to be straightforward--take a look at William Faulkner or Janet Fitch for good examples of ...