This isn't my favorite from you by any means...
Your images were nice, but the ending left them with little weight. I felt like you didn't finish it... like there needed to be some hard-hitting conclusion line to tie it all together.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
You know I'm a fan, and while this wasn't my favorite poem of yours, it was certianly enjoyable. The imagery was what really pulled me in--I've been places like that beofre, and your descriptions were, of course, fantastic.
This was pretty and it reminded me of one of several worn places I had been to and absolutely loved. Though the others are right in that the conclusion wasn't particularly strong, I liked the images that were presented anyway. For me, it is less of a story (where it has to pack a powerful punch) and more of a painting. And I like seeing poetry used as a painting.
Your imagery is gorgeously vibrant as ever, Bradikins, and I loved how the peaceful feeling of the first two stanzas (in my head, "Glosoli" by Sigur Ros was playing) gradually gave way to a more regretful, almost creepy sensation. I'd agree with Ed when he says it's not one of your best--but it's solid. That solitary short line in S2 kind of threw the rhythm off a bit, and Jack's already noted your spelling error in S1. Can't think of anything else at the mo'; I'll look back over this later.
Some of the imagery of this piece was nice and the theme of nature worked well but I felt that it could do with a more regular rhythm and I'd love to know where the title comes in...
I think I agree with whence, this doesn't have the same motion of some of your other poems - driving toward a conclusion at the end. However, it is filled with lovely images. You're missing a g off the end of 'shifting' in the S1, as well.