User avatar

Fand

  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Musically Inclined

    The first single line stanza is, I assume, an attempt at emphasizing importance or depth or something of that sort--and it fails rather miserably, I'm afraid. The last single line ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: The Art of War: Part IV_The Left Flank

    I disagree with the rhyming; I think this section, though not as brilliant as the first two, is solid and good. ^^ The only part that was a bit confusing ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: The Art of War: Part III_Snow and Blood

    I agree with Clau's assertion that this is the weakest of the sections I've read thus far. The imagery, especially in the beginning, gives the feeling of "telling" rather than ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: The Art of War: Part II_Alone in the Night & Prep for Wa

    Yet another beautiful installment in this little series. ^~ The only thing that gave me pause was: The vanguards gather, In rigid lines Pennants flying in a stiff breeze, As ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: The Art of War: Part I_ An Offense

    I liked how you balanced the two sides of a war: the ideological aspect, as evidenced by the "battle of words" (and I loved the line, "In halls of marble, ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: good ol' fashioned rock and roll

    Them blues are just all just the same, - Was there a reason for the double "just" here? Roll over Beethoven and just let me be. - All right, that ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: No Fool 4 Luv

    ...Please scrap this. There's no meaning to an objective reader, there's no pleasing structure or word choice, and absolutely nothing original about it. Also: in your title, SPELL THINGS CORRECTLY. ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Footsteps of a Broken Stranger

    Clau's right; this is a prime example of navel-gazing. While it means a lot to you, I'm sure, there's very little meaning to an objective (outside) reader. The errors in ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: More of a Concept

    Clau: a hazmat suit is something officials wear when they have to deal with, of course, hazardous materials; in the context, it makes perfect sense. ^~ Rigel: I liked this! ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Nave Has Twilight

    Lovely, Imp, despite the deviations--villanelles are one of the hardest poems to keep to form and still retain meaning, and you've succeeded brilliantly on that count. ^^ I love that ...

    Jul 19, 2007
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Mother

    I really enjoyed this piece, Kel! I don't have too much time for an in-depth critique--technically I'm not even supposed to be on here while at work, lol--but I'll take ...

    Jul 17, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: A Moment of Healing

    No time for an in-depth critique as I'm at work--I'll try to edit one in tonight when I get home. ^~ As it is, it works decently as a poem, ...

    Jul 17, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Lunch Time

    I think the only way to classify your writings is "disturbed (disturbing?) whimsy." This certainly fits well enough. :lol: Thanks for giving me something to giggle at during yet another ...

    Jul 17, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Great Wheel

    S1 Hail! to the uttermost fear in Time to the Great Wheel's turning. We sense the end drawing near as the sands of the sea begin burning. 1.1--"uttermost" should be ...

    Jul 17, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: The Weeping Willow

    Note 1: it's "haiku." Spell it correctly and experienced readers will be more inclined to take you seriously. ;) Note 2: Don't double-post. If you think of something you want ...

    Jul 17, 2007


He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war.
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi