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Re: Musically Inclined
The first single line stanza is, I assume, an attempt at emphasizing importance or depth or something of that sort--and it fails rather miserably, I'm afraid. The last single line ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: The Art of War: Part IV_The Left Flank
I disagree with the rhyming; I think this section, though not as brilliant as the first two, is solid and good. ^^ The only part that was a bit confusing ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: The Art of War: Part III_Snow and Blood
I agree with Clau's assertion that this is the weakest of the sections I've read thus far. The imagery, especially in the beginning, gives the feeling of "telling" rather than ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: The Art of War: Part II_Alone in the Night & Prep for Wa
Yet another beautiful installment in this little series. ^~ The only thing that gave me pause was: The vanguards gather, In rigid lines Pennants flying in a stiff breeze, As ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: The Art of War: Part I_ An Offense
I liked how you balanced the two sides of a war: the ideological aspect, as evidenced by the "battle of words" (and I loved the line, "In halls of marble, ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: good ol' fashioned rock and roll
Them blues are just all just the same, - Was there a reason for the double "just" here? Roll over Beethoven and just let me be. - All right, that ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: No Fool 4 Luv
...Please scrap this. There's no meaning to an objective reader, there's no pleasing structure or word choice, and absolutely nothing original about it. Also: in your title, SPELL THINGS CORRECTLY. ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: The Footsteps of a Broken Stranger
Clau's right; this is a prime example of navel-gazing. While it means a lot to you, I'm sure, there's very little meaning to an objective (outside) reader. The errors in ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: More of a Concept
Clau: a hazmat suit is something officials wear when they have to deal with, of course, hazardous materials; in the context, it makes perfect sense. ^~ Rigel: I liked this! ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: The Nave Has Twilight
Lovely, Imp, despite the deviations--villanelles are one of the hardest poems to keep to form and still retain meaning, and you've succeeded brilliantly on that count. ^^ I love that ...
Jul 19, 2007 -
Re: Mother
I really enjoyed this piece, Kel! I don't have too much time for an in-depth critique--technically I'm not even supposed to be on here while at work, lol--but I'll take ...
Jul 17, 2007 -
Re: A Moment of Healing
No time for an in-depth critique as I'm at work--I'll try to edit one in tonight when I get home. ^~ As it is, it works decently as a poem, ...
Jul 17, 2007 -
Re: Lunch Time
I think the only way to classify your writings is "disturbed (disturbing?) whimsy." This certainly fits well enough. :lol: Thanks for giving me something to giggle at during yet another ...
Jul 17, 2007 -
Re: The Great Wheel
S1 Hail! to the uttermost fear in Time to the Great Wheel's turning. We sense the end drawing near as the sands of the sea begin burning. 1.1--"uttermost" should be ...
Jul 17, 2007 -
Re: The Weeping Willow
Note 1: it's "haiku." Spell it correctly and experienced readers will be more inclined to take you seriously. ;) Note 2: Don't double-post. If you think of something you want ...
Jul 17, 2007
