-
Re: Mercenary Wings 23
King Raztik sat on the top tower of his castle, watching the sun sink down into the horizon. It was growing colder now, and the leaves were beginning to turn ...
Oct 21, 2007 -
Re: Nequadataliton - Illusions of Peace
Thanks for your Journey's Dawn crit. :D Here's what I owe you.... I awoke once again upon my austere bed. I looked around. The room was all silver, refulgent with ...
Oct 20, 2007 -
Re: Lissie Darcesty, #1 - Saving Tiddles
Penguins done the nitpicking so I thought I'd just comment on things that she hasn't said. The Basement was a large, large cavern, just waiting to swallow him in its ...
Oct 20, 2007 -
Re: Our Hero
Hey penguin. I'm no poetry person but I thought I'd say something. Most of this will probably be absolute bish-bosh though. And unto the truth did our hero set His ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Maggie's Ghosts
Maggie stopped at a rest stop fifty miles out of the city and pulled two hundred dollars out of her bank account, leaving only three hundred and thirty dollars remaining. ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Unknown Sotry Chap. 15 part 2
One thing I noticed was the title's spelt wrong. :lol: Typos suck. “K.” She responded. I can see what you're trying to say but you've gone about it the wrong ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Unknown Story Chap. 13 part 1
Uh… Someone that can help us.” Knall still had man more questions but was glad that Derez had answered at least some of his. The someone doesn't need to be ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Tick Tock Tick Tock
(First things, you should really change the pull in of your story. Saying YOU MUST READ THIS!!!! etc. doesn't really help you get any crits let alone views.) Paragrahing. You ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Maggie's Ghosts
Wow, I have to day this was great. It intriguied me and it kept me glued to the computer screen throughout. Very creepy with the entire affair involvng the phone ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Decahero - Ch1
Although is was pretty good, one thing bugged me throughout. Pretty much over half of it was one big info-dump. This is a big no-no as it deters peopel from ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Death on Stone
'Lo Bear, noticed this had no crits so I thougth I'd help, The gloom hung in the wintry day, when the snow fell, and my mother died . This sentence ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Starkton
The ocean had long since turned black with vile chemicals, but something about the view had a dark charm. The blend of opaque waves with dirty gray sand had an ...
Oct 18, 2007 -
Re: Elena Maionsa - Quatre
Hey ginger, I stood beneath the large and twisted oak tree , that shadowed the doorway of Adel's tucked away haven, watching the house from afar , afraid that if ...
Oct 18, 2007 -
Re: Elena Maionsa - Trois
Although this is a very good chapter, I'm still afriad Adel is a blank canvas to me. If not the previous chapter, this one would have been a good place ...
Oct 18, 2007 -
Re: Elena Maionsa - Deux
I stumbled slightly and fell to my knees, growling back at the weight of the battered suitcase, which weighed more than the Earth itself it seemed. The rain whipped around ...
Oct 18, 2007
