Published October 18, 2007
Edited:
The Decahero story, along with it's counterpart Uberhero, is no longer canon as written here. As is such, I have removed it. Thanks for reading, and I hope you guys get to read the real thing!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
I see... (taking notes)
but what exactly is an info-dump? (Whether or not if I've done that here)
Thanks for all the critiques!
Ryter,
This is… weird. O_o But in the positive sense of the word, of course. Especially the first part. It’s a response? A written response? If so, then turn it into italics, to make it stand out more. That’s all I have to say, really. Looks as if I’m not much help, but I really don’t know what to make of this. At least of the first part. For now, I’ll plunge into a false sense familiarity and deal with the boring grammatical-like issues:
Quote:
yes, that’s it.
Capitalized?
And that’s it for that. Again, I don’t really know what to make of this… I can’t help you with the spacing or anything, because I just don’t - I’m just lost. Puzzled. Perplexed. Bamboozled. I don’t understand. Or I do. Or rather, I haven’t ever read anything like this. ^_^ Hello, Test Subjects nr 1.
Commander Burgeon looks like an interesting character…
But back to your MC. *Cough* Or to your MC, since until now I haven’t mentioned it. The way you presented you POV is very interesting, and it drew me in. Point for you, there. What I didn’t like was the ultra-short sentences - it makes it sound a bit choppy. The style, however, I like. Ow make something of that, if you will.
I didn’t actually see any info-dumps, to tell the truth. And it’s all interesting, very interesting…
Cheers,
Esme
Although is was pretty good, one thing bugged me throughout. Pretty much over half of it was one big info-dump. This is a big no-no as it deters peopel from reading much furthur into your piece. Plot wise, it's not obscure and I can see roughly what it's about. If you worked on your info dump problem this could become pretty good.