Evi

This topic is nearly two years old, vixeyt! Please don't bump old topics; the author has most likely moved on. ;) *locked*

Moved to Action/Adventure Novels, since this seems like part of a larger project!

Because this is a first chapter, I've moved it to Romantic Novels. ^_^

Moved from Fantasy Short Stories to Fantasy Novels, since this is a first chapter. ;)

Do not be discouraged! My inability to follow the plotline could very well be my fault, and not yours. Essentially, I based this off actual events - there was a ...

Hey Jigs! Here, again, to comment on the rest, and on the story as a whole. Honestly, this is not my thing. It's written well; that can't be denied. But, ...

Hey Logan! This will be shorter. First of all, this is a heck of a lot better. You, my friend, are pretty good at revisions and taking advice to heart. ...

Edited. ^^ I added some more to their conversation, and I'd really appreciate opinions on whether or not the additions work? Thanks so much, everyone.

Thanks Vivi and Flute! ^^ Yes, I guess this turned out a bit more ambiguous and vague than I had originally intended. I'll definately try to clear up the meaning ...

Hey Druthie; sorry it took me this long to get back to the edit. I hope you're still looking for opinions? This crit won't be quite as long, methinks. I'm ...

Double-post. Oops. :oops: Ignore this, and continue down to the critique below. ~Evi

Thank you so much everyone! I'm glad you seem to like it. huhaballoo- I'll think about trying to hint at their ages, but I'm not sure quite how to go ...

Oh, so this 'friend' you mentioned was the candle? That actually does make sense, if you put it that way. Perhaps in that sentence I quoted where I got majorly ...

I'm not going to do a review on the edit, but I will give you this: Commas -vs- Semi-colons A little tutorial done by yours truly. You should really check ...

Oops. I get it now. I'm just slow that way.