Esmé

Okay, the thing is that through Lillith's diaries I want to show the reader how she became queen. That will be equivelant to the non-diary part of my story, where ...

Thank you for the critique, Sureal!

Okay, this comment was stupid. I mean, your title says: continuation, doesn;t it? Sheesh...

Oh, so Star dies? A pitty... Anyways, you're lucky your english teacher checks your work! Mine wouldn;t understand a fraction of what I wrote (poland here, lol).

Thank you soooo much for taking your time and doing critique. I really appreciate it. And yes, I am thirteen. This was written when i was twelve, though :) Thanks ...

Thanks Sureal! I corrected all the spelling and grammar mistakes, thanks for pointing them out. As to the first sentence... -You have no idea how much I modified it... I ...

Okay, okay, I get your point. But proper spelling and grammar make the read easier and more enjoyable. If your writing something, put some effort into it, try to make ...

kaolin, get a life... As to the script, I really enjoyed it... I have an irresistable urge to go wash my hair* LOL It was funny and had humor - ...

Can the mod please delete this thread? P.S. I am so not cooperating.

Stop it. Write something, you'll get better. Did you stop because of my critique? Come on, it wasn't that bad. It really wasn't. If you are trying my consience, then ...

WHy? WHY? Did you expect us to write: It was Great! No mistakes! Brilliant! Well thats not the way it goes. You wanna be a better writer, then take advice ...

Quote: Derren held it there for many moments, waiting, waiting. I think that this sentence is correct, but wouldn’t it sound better if it was ‘a couple of moments’ instead ...

Okay, I'll reread my work tomorrow, I don;t have the time now. (This post is for you to know I didn't ignore it, lol)

Oh god, I forgot to format AGAIN... Sorry to all whom I wrote about formatting, lol...

One more comment: With such a short piece of writing, it's hard to write a critique... Maybe you should post more of the story?