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Untitled cont. (still working on title, no idea yet...)

by ladydark


Star stretched out a hand for the wolf as Andras shifted nervously behind her. She glanced back at him and then at the wolf, “Why is this wolf here? How come her eyes are green, not brown or gold? What is this place exactly?” she asked him, stroking the wolf’s coarse fur as the wolf stepped closer. Andras shrugged and looked down the hallway, stepping back into the hall.

“I don’t know really. Perhaps she’s apart of the testing. While I’ve been here, I have heard other animal sounds,” he answered, glancing around again. “Can we keep moving? We shouldn’t linger in this place, something doesn’t feel right.” Star nodded and stood up, heading over to Andras. The wolf snarled as her hackles raised, staring at Andras fiercely.

Andras stepped back more, nearly hitting the wall opposite the door. “We leave the wolf.” he muttered, glaring at the wolf. Star shook her head, stepping over to the animal. The wolf stepped forward and stood next to Star’s side. Andras rolled his eyes and moved off down the hall quickly.

I don’t like the smell of him. Something isn’t right. The smell seems familiar, and he’s anxious, and tense. He’s hiding something. I have to keep a close eye on him. I have to keep track of my body and whoever is in it. This man is wicked. I wonder what he secret concealing.

Andras, Star, and the Wolf stopped at a fork in the hallway. One hall was windowed further down, the walls not nearly as white. The second was a bit darker, with no windows, but still as bright as the hall they just came from. Andras turned and started to walk down the second hallway. Star hesitated and glanced at both hallways, “Why can’t we go down the windowed one?” she asked him. Andras shook his head and pointed at the windows.

“We could, but then whoever is guarding the outside could see in and see us. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be caught so lets head down this one,” he told her, continuing his way down the hall. Star took a small breath and sighed. She followed Andras down the hallway, catching up quickly with the wolf at her heels. The wolf growled and shook her head slowly. Star looked at the wolf in surprise and stopped. The wolf stepped back in the hall, shaking her head again.

Star stared at her and then at Andras. He was waiting impatiently, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at them. “Let’s go. Why must you keep stopping? If you keep this up, whoever helps run this place will find us,” he grumbled, tapping his fingers against his arm lightly. Star stepped away and went over to the wolf. Andras glared at the duo and stepped towards them, “I said, let’s go.”

This hallway is vile. I will not go down this hall. Andras is leading us to something, I know he is now. This hallway has a foreboding aura, I don’t want to go down it. Whoever is in my body doesn’t seem to trust Andras anymore either. Perhaps we could make a run for it. Andras is wicked, he’s an evil person. I will not go down this hall. I would rather be caught running down the windowed hall then go a step further.

Star shook her head and dashed over to the wolf. She too, could sense the hallway was a wicked place. She was losing trust in Andras. “I don’t want to. I don’t like this hallway, I want to go down the windowed hallway. There’s a greater chance of being caught, but I don’t care. I won’t go down this hall,” she told him firmly. Andras’ eyes hardened, his glare was icy. Star backed away and stepped towards the windowed hallway.

Andras strode over to her, grabbing her by the arm. “I said, let’s go. We are not going that way. This is the hall we should take, and we shall take it.” Star yelped and struggled in his hold. She started to hit him as he tightened his grip on her arm, dragging her back down the hall. The wolf snarled and leapt at Andras, snapping at his arm. Andras stumbled back quickly, releasing Star as she fell onto the hard floor. The wolf stood over her, growling as she stared at Andras.

Star scrambled to her feet and ran to the other hallway. The wolf turned and followed swiftly. Andras let out an enraged howl and slammed his hand into the wall. Shrieking alarms filled the hall, “She’s getting away. You’d better be prepared,” he muttered darkly as he raced off after Star and the wolf.

He was the bait. I should have seen that. He smells like the worker that came into my room before. No, he is the worker. That’s why he smelled familiar. Why did he want us to go down that hall? No matter, right now, we must flee from this wretched place.

Star and the wolf rapidly raced down the windowed hallway. The outside was heavily wooded, and dense. The sky was barely visible, but the sunlight poured through, lighting their way. The wolf moved ahead as the hallway split again. She sneezed and shook her head as she stared down the continuation of the windowed hallway. The wolf howled and headed down the smaller hallway, Star at her heels. Andras was close behind them, gaining ground as the two wove through the maze like building.

The wolf burst into a large, spacious room and stopped suddenly. Star tumbled over the wolf’s abrupt halt. Star sat up and muttered, shaking her head. She glanced around the room in horror. There were cages, and cages of animals. From predators, to prey, they varied in colour and variety. A large glass window revealed another room, full of animals. These animals were not in cages, but they were listless and quiet. A second window showed a furnished room with rows and rows of beds. Humans lay on these beds, but they too, were quiet and unmoving. Star moved over to the window with the humans and gasped.

The humans were deformed, sporting various animal shapes and mutations. The wolf moved over to the animal’s window and saw they too, were mutated. Andras chuckled quietly, startling Star. He grinned at her and moved over next to her, “hello pretty one. I see you’ve found our little secret holding place. These poor things were the result of failed tests. Cruel it almost seems, but we think not. What were we testing with these? Well, that is not important. You, my dear, are. You’re the best result in this little experiment yet, nearly perfect in fact.”

Star glared at him and moved away. She turned and raced over to the wolf. They stared at the deformed animals and turned to face Andras.

Andras shook his head sadly, “Shame, isn’t it. Seeing animals treated like this. Who cares though? No one knows of this place, just me and the works. It’s been fun having you Star, but now you must go back. We have to finish up this test. Good bye, Star.”


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Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:13 pm
writergirl007 wrote a review...



Good story, but very unclear. Go back and read it. Give more detail. Like where is this happening, what's going on, why are they running? Also, you have several spelling and grammer errors. I think you should finish it. Maybe not kill her off. I know this has already been said, but tell when the wolf is talking. Come up with some creative words instead of wolf as well. The story is a little confusing, but otherwise it is good. I like the idea you have formed. Just read back through, edit it, and add more to it. Writergirl :lol:




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Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:43 pm
Esmé says...



Okay, this comment was stupid. I mean, your title says: continuation, doesn;t it? Sheesh...




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Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:40 pm
Esmé says...



Oh, so Star dies? A pitty...

Anyways, you're lucky your english teacher checks your work! Mine wouldn;t understand a fraction of what I wrote (poland here, lol).




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Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:50 pm
ladydark says...



There is no more. This is the end... Heh, so glad this is only first draft. My teach read it over and said it was good, for now.. I'll change wolf for other words, still have a lot to do, so thanks for the bit of help..




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Thu Jan 04, 2007 6:37 pm
Esmé wrote a review...



I am a bit tired - sorry if I miss some mistakes and if some of my comments seem a bit brutal.

In your first paragraph, you have wolf too many times. There are synonyms, e.g. animal, beast etc.

Quote:
Perhaps she’s apart of the testing.
Incomprehensible

Quote:
“hello pretty one.
Capital ‘hello’

Again, way too much of ‘wolf’. Also, the part when you present tha animal’s thoughts (because they are the animal’s, right?) Tell the reader who is thinking what, because it is a bit confusing.


Wow. Such a lack of mistakes, lol. Generally I liked your story, it had a flow and was interesting.

Waiting for more,

-elein.





So verily with the hardship, there is a relief, verily with the hardship, there is a relief.
— Quran Ch 94:5-6