Eraqio

Thanks for the input. I wrote this when I finished Basic training, something to get the writing juices flowing again. yeah, I tried a little too hard. Ah well, no ...

Very... uninteresting. I mean, just from the opening it dumps us into this situation without any fore-ground info or action. I get that this is 'part 2' but really there ...

I'd really appreciate an actual critique ...

Something cool happen... wow. Sorry this isnt a Sephanie Meyer novel.

Loved the title. The work seemed restrained almost, like each line was searching for the right way to phrase it, then coming out with some monotone delivery that lessens it's ...

Thanks for the considerable attention you paid to my singular intro. The work itself is a third person narrative and is told through...well a lot of people actually. I think ...

My Review remains the same. I still think you could have extended the lines and improved language. And several lines still stumble, try using different phrasings of the words.

Hmaria. Sympathia. Allavouhs Naviz Tourquois (Yes spelled that way)

The composition was very good. It still needs a bit of work and a bit more visual language but overall very good.

Mistake made. no post

Thank you, an actual reply and critique instead of some unrelated dribble about standards or some other crap. Ma'am, I thank you deeply. The other Ma'am, "This is not Poetry" ...

most of the story is in his mind. even the opening is a nightmare.

I guess heavy reading is a bit much for most people. I dont write that well, I know, but I'd really like it if people at least told me what ...

Poetry does have its styles. This is one of them. I diddnt put it in the wrong category. Try reading up on the thousands upon thousands of poetry styles that ...