Written By Hayley
There is no Enchantment
If you think of life like a blank canvas,
Waiting to be drawn on
The colours and swirls seem far away
The enchantment of our lives
If you think of dreams like forgotten templates
Waiting to be traced
A steady hand is all it takes
The enchantment of our dreams
If you think of the future like a broken piece
Waiting to be fixed
With time against many a life
The enchantment of our future
If you think of the past like a missing page
Waiting to be found
Looking and finding is but a sin
The enchantment of our past
When you think of the war like a fight
Waiting to be won
The canvas is yet to be completed
There is no enchantment of the war
Only the winners can see enchantment
And yet in a war there are no winners
Only sore losers
And those who chose to compete.
Umm..I wrote this just now and I no there's no rhythm but I just kinda liked the idea...please comment that would be nice, oh, and also I know someone did a poem called "disenchantment" but I couldn't find the poem again and I thought it would be rude to steal there title so yeah..lol
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,759 Reviews
This was the best stanza. You did well in putting this first, as it draws the readers in.
If you think of dreams like forgotten templates
Waiting to be traced
A steady hand is all it takes
The enchantment of our dreams
Sorry it wasn't quoted. Anyway, I can't do much more 'cause I have to go soon. Just wanted to say ( this goes for the rest of the poem) I loved the way that, at the end of each stanza, it said ''The enchantment of our [Whatever here]. And normally I wouldn't like it, but I really did when you broke the 'let's call it chain' when you said at the end ''There is no enchantment of war''. Overall, I can easyily realate to this poem, which is the reason for me liking this poem.
Well, all I can suggest is add some punctuation marks.
Interesting idea here in this stanza. The furute as a broken piece. It was really curious.
Anyway, this poem was great. The rhythm doesn't matter to me, at least. It flowed quite well anyway.
Hey there Hayley
You were the random piece at the top, so here I am 
Let's start with an analysis of your poem. xD
I really liked this poem; you had a message to put across, and you did so well, the flow is pretty good, the word choice too and the grammar is almost perfect.
Something I didn't like is the repetition of enchantment, it really annoyed me for some reason, and I felt it disrupted the flow of this beautiful poem.
Now, let's see, imagery wise you've got everything good. The poem is fresh and original, you have your own style and I think it's good.
What did you mean?
C'mon, to write a poem you must have something to say, a message to get across... something. Let's try and work out yours. xD
I really like this line, but I feel it contradicts the whole mood of your poem. The rest of the poem is promoting happiness and such, but this is just... it just doesn't feel right.
Well evidently you're trying to promote an awareness against war. About how you feel 'bout war, right? There's also something more though, the whole poem isn't about war, only the end is, it's something about happiness being there for us to take, if we are willing to do so, isn't it?
Anyway, great poem, Hayley. I've got to go and get dressed for school
~Kirsten
xxx
Wow! I like your poem a lot.
I like this stanza, except I was unclear of your meaning in the third line.
I love all of your allusions to painting. That's really creative.
I love this stanza, and it really drew me into the poem and kept me reading. Great job and keep writing!
The composition was very good.
It still needs a bit of work and a bit more visual language but overall very good.