EmilyofREL

Not sure why it bunched together so much. You said it was good...but you also said it lacked emotion and detail. ? I know this chapter isn't great. I've always ...

I totally agree about the structure of sentences in this first chapter. I read it back over and couldn't believe what I was thinking. Just need to get around to ...

No, they do not bring them into their own home; the children are taken to foster homes. Don't get discouraged! That's what this site is for: to make us all ...

Interesting concept. But I think you need to proofread the grammar. The plot felt a little jumpy to me. I didn't understand that time had passed. Also, it's COMA not ...

See there are twenty more chapters of this written so yes, their personalities are shining through! :)

Matthews: Thank you! I believe the numbers were originally in italics, but it changed it. Glad you liked it :) Sarah: I know WUTB kind of sucks right now. The ...

Haha lucky your dad's in English. My dad is an engineer! We bicker all the time cause he's so analytical and I'm so creative. I often write in first person, ...

I was sure I mentioned color guard earlier! I'll fix that. Is it important to know that Ryan is in band earlier than that? Medical terms: I'll work on that. ...

wow Sarah that's a lot of nit-picking :P It wasn't too harsh, just a lot to take in. I did tell you to be brutal. I re-read the chapter and ...

I have to agree. Your writing is always fantastic, Hayden. Can't wait to grab one of your stories off a bookstore shelf in the near future :)

It won't be hard. In fact, I think I did that later in the text. And the second suggestion will show up later on, but I will for sure explain ...

Thanks a ton! I'll be sure to try and explain things a little more. This was originally posted in a forum of people who understand diabetes, so not as much ...

Great formslipper. and the answer is "yes!". Everyone's conflicts will come out shortly.

Thanks Rissa. :) Glad you liked it. Much more to come over the next couple days! The novel is about 1/3 done, so there's much more for you guys to ...

okay looks like Bugbug got most of it. But I noticed you changed tenses a lot. it was a little confusing. You said "He hangs up" and then "he said". ...