Emerson

Agreed with phorcys. The rhyme killed it. But to the technical stuff, Capitalize the first letter of each line, and read over your work a few times for typos/errors before ...

I edited all three chapters for various things. Did a lot of dialog changing to hopefully give Fleur more character. New comments would be appreciated :-D

I liked it, the last two lines the most. I think I would have liked it more, though, if there had been a rhythm pattern to it. But I'm big ...

Thanks Chandni :-D It was funny to you? O.o And, since you mentioned Lev and Fleur, that makes me think of Felicion and Fleur *giggles* I'm still working on that ...

Thanks for the Critiques :-D More are always welcomed.

Thank you Snoinkums I eat up your critique, 5 points and all. Yum Yum Yum. :-D I'm hoping to write Chapter Four tomorrow. If not, Hopefully I'll have done some ...

woah! No arguing in my thread or I will have a Mod hunt you down and kill you! :-P Anyway, Cameron, thanks for the add ins, I'll take a look.

Thank Adam, Leon, and MC :-) I changed the line, I think it works better now. But what do the almighty critiquers think?

Thanks for all the comments, and I made the changes mentioned! But I'd certainly like more opinions. :-D

Typo: He said I should put down te pills,

:-D Thanks everyone. I will hack apart chapter three, and rewrite entirely (because I have a nasty hate for) Chapter two if I get the chance tomorrow while I am ...

Merci. I'm only hoping I get more critiques on what I added...

I wrote ten more lines. Now how is it?

Just like phorcys said, very powerful. I liked how you used short lines in some places, it made it dramatic.

Derren /3 Sorry It took me a while to get back into this! It was a crude yet simple. a what? A plan? “We are not familiar with that game ...