Emerson

I don't think I could catch anything that Sureal hasn't. I noticed you used way too many commas in the second paragraph, which made the sentences all the more confusing. ...

The imagery was impressive, I liked it a whole lot. (I'm bad with poetry, though, so don't expect much) It made me think of Barns and Nobles, and I'm still ...

It was rather difficult to understand in places. Try making paragraphs, adding story elements (characters/emotions/scenes/settings/real dialog etc) use commas, periods, and capitalization when needed.

The story in general was interesting. Though it lacked a lot of story elements. Dialog, action, scenes, what ever else a story needs. (It's really late at night, forgive me.) ...

I suppose I'm not one for strong Macabre, not to say I don't like this. The beginning just feels very...abstract? You're taking us through his mind, his dreams, yeah? Well ...

It's pretty good, I agree with the above. Just do some reading through and grammar fixes and it will be good :-D The only thing I'd rally like to point ...

Now I've only read the first part, but I have some to say. books with teen angst don't work well....not at all. its not that they are bad, its that ...

Having faster that light speed , it took the Akbar, Artemis’s ship, two weeks to reach the planet that the weak signal was coming from. Something about that seems weird. ...

He touched his breastbone, running his fingers over the spider tattoo that marked it. The picture was a sign to everyone in Naryen-Mair. Stay away—this creature is defiled! A few ...

The air is cold to , and if it wasn’t for my warm hoody I’d probably be inside like the rest of them. too and all I really want it ...

That was real cute. The ending was real obvious though, which was disappointing. I think if we would have not know she had died, I would have liked it better. ...

nice story you have starting, though its sort of rough at the beginning. Try to do some showing. like instead of saying that the one character ( I forget who) ...

I didn't read anything above, so sorry if I'm repeating! It was very...immature? Not to be cruel, no no. You tried, and that's whats important, yes? Several sentences made no ...

I'd take out all the perinthesis, just make it real grammar with commas and what not, maybe make the sentences shorter in that case? Break up the first paragraph, that's ...

The bullet had punctured her. Life had no where to go but out. when I read this, I could think of a literal 'life' sort of gas rising out of ...