Published October 27, 2006
Chapter one
Kat
Dear Dumb Diary,
I just got this thing and I have no idea whatsoever of what to write so I will just tell you about my first day of seventh grade. I woke up this morning to the smell of waffles and jumped out of bed knowing it would be a great day! Hah. Who am I kidding? Of course that’s not how I woke up. I woke up to the dogs barking at my mom trying her best to make some scrambled eggs, but failing once again. I believe after that I got dressed ate a quick bite of eggs, and feeling slightly nauseous after that, ran out to catch the bus.
When I first stepped onto that bus it felt like I was falling just waiting to hit the ground, except for it was in slow motion so I had time to be scared and think of the pain. Great simile, huh? I looked around and saw everyone else was sitting next to someone chattering as if there was no tomorrow, and with my luck there probably won’t be a tomorrow.
The bus driver started to get impatient with me and asked me if I could ‘Please take a seat’ so I went towards the back and noticed there was a guy sitting by himself. I sat next to him and said “Hi”. At first he didn’t really realize I was there and then he said hi and introduced him self. Did I mention he is HOTT? Well he’d never like me. I am about 5’1
brown hair greenish brown eyes and I don’t think much of myself. But anyways, the rest of the bus ride felt like heaven, or something like it.
Time went by really fast and before I knew it, we were at school. And as it turns out my first class was with him. Not much happened the rest of the day except for lunch, when he asked me if I wanted to sit next to him. Of course I did, besides no one else seemed to care for me at all. I’m starting to think this will be one great year.
Pg.1
Cody
Dear journal,
Yeah I know it’s weird, a guy with a journal, just live with it. Today was my first day of seventh grade and I was not looking forward to it until I met Catlin. ((I think I’ll call her Kat for short)) I was sitting alone in the back of the bus as usual because all my friends ride a totally different bus. I was bored out of my mind and the only thing I could think about is ow math is first period. Then this really pretty girl I’ve never seen before gets on the bus, and I was almost certain she’d sit next to a prep friend of hers. But she kind of just stood there looking around and not many people noticed her. Then she walked straight back to the back of the bus, and sat next to me. At first I was so surprised, then I did the only thing I could think of which was introduce myself. We talked for a while, and it surprised me how she would tell, what a complete stranger is to her, her whole life and, what she likes and what she dislikes. Don’t get me wrong, I was interested and was listening. But I couldn’t help but wonder if she has a boyfriend, and by the way she talks it sounds like she has never had a boyfriend.
pg.2
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,385 Reviews
Wow, I really liked it!! You did a great job! Yeah, there were a few typos, nothing too major. I like where this story is going!
I like what you've got so far as well, but I just thought I should point out that there's a kds' series out entitled "Dear Dumb Diary", so I'd recommend changing that before sending it to any publishers. Sorry to sound like such a killjoy.
i really like this idea, it reminds me of the typical preteen experience. grammar is the only thing i would suggest, but i love it!
I really like this, encore, encore!
I really like this; it could be promising. Again, work on your spelling errors but i like the way Catlin sais 'Dear Dumb Diary' at the begining. It is really expressing her emotions towards the world and you can see she is going to be a cool character.
I like the ideas of this, however in parts it seems just a bit too clumsy. I know people don't write exact english in their diaries (I for one certainly don't!!) but most people don't share diaries, so for it to make a good story I think it needs to be a bit more structured. But I do really like it!
This is pretty good! I like innocent stories from the point of view of young teenagers. i don't know why, but there's something about them! I agree with the people who also commented this that maybe you should add dialog, i think it just helps to get to know the people in the story. I don't know a lot about writing i just enjoy and your writing is pretty good!!
hope to read more!
It's pretty good, I agree with the above. Just do some reading through and grammar fixes and it will be good
The only thing I'd rally like to point out is stuff like this:
You tell us that they talked, why don't you show us them talking? Give us real dialogue to hear. If you want to bring it up from a regular diary, to a real story, you should really consider doing this.
Good luck with the rest!
I like the story! Just work on your grammar and punctuation.
This sounds like it's going to be a great story. A bit of spelling errors, but very nice.
I'm not positive of this, so check it before you do anything, but shouldn't heaven be capatalized (Heaven).
Probably a typo, but the enter is not needed.
Very good, I hope to read more, and welcome to TYWS.
Pandora