Emerson

It read beautifully! I like how you delicately and not too strongly described everything, there were no rough words or very floating comparisons, just "This is it" and I like ...

Your start could use some fixing up. It pushes to right into the action, but the whole of the first paragraph is one sentence, and not original. I've seen people ...

It was beautiful to read. It was erotic but it wasn't...erotica. Which is good. I couldn't spot any stumbles in the writing, and the actual story behind it is good ...

I just...didn't know what it was about. Eh. I have to say I second this! lol. :oops: Though I didn't admit it at first.

As a child u were angellic. spell out Y-O-U. Have they no said that they will help you> Check your words: Not, ? It wasn't bad, but didn't flow right. ...

Moments later I begin to scream bloody murder again and again. screaming "bloody murder" is a cliched description. You could just say she began to scream (and you wouldn't even ...

I read them. I remember liking them. But I don't remember much about them... I stopped in the third one I think? I'm not completely sure. And, you read the ...

It lay, basking in the waves about a mile from the shore just south of Mudskipper Point. I don't think you need the comma. because "It lay" isn't much of ...

I had made my way up one of hills the near our home and was now sitting on a boulder that had been in the same place for longer than ...

If you didn't like it I really don't care to know. I didn't read it. (And I have a very good reason too!) but saying this isn't being open. Why ...

Snoink that is horrible depressing. But well written. And depressing. I guess thats good though, huh? You made me feel something, and Brad says poetry is supposed to do that! ...

First off, Merry Christmas, and Welcome to YWS! I'll keep your age in mind while writing this critique, but eh, the start is boring. This is written not as a ...

I didn't read much, just skimmed it for now. Use dashes (--) and ellipses (...) sparingly. Don't use dashes when commas are supposed to be use, and don't always end ...

Oh, that was a good read :-) The story, and the moral, and the rhyming, all that niceness. The only thing that could be improved on is rhythm, which will ...

I'm here to repay a critique! You are missing commas in some places...only twice, once in the first paragraph and then once in the second. Yep, that’s right. Been one ...