Young Writers Society

You go through life easily,
As gracefully as a swan,
Never doubting in good fortune,
Which never ceases to come

With the grace of a swan -- sounds better as gracefully is too much of a mouthful.

You share the tiniest bit you have

I dont think this bit flows either.

I liked the ending, overall good job.

They say that they will help you
When you shall be in need,
They say that they will aid you,
If you just ask, if you just call.

You smile, thank nicely,
And respond with the same.
A curtsy, a bow,
You thank them again

You go through life easily,
As gracefully as a swan,
Never doubting in good fortune,
Which never ceases to come

In the second and third paras u forgot to put the full stops,starting is really good.

Always seeeing better instead of worse.

seeeing?

Have they no said that they will help you>

>what was that for?

somewhere in the middle it seemed u were lost.
But the ending was nice.

and try not to use short language in poem like the you one instead of u.
Keep writing and posting.
You have good capabilities.

As a child u were angellic.

spell out Y-O-U.

Have they no said that they will help you>

Check your words: Not, ?

It wasn't bad, but didn't flow right. The idea doesn't immediately hit me, in fact I'm still waiting for it. For some reason I think angels, and God; but I've always been predisposed to that sort of thing.

Try giving it rhythm, create syllable patterns or something, otherwise like I said it doesn't flow right. Some lines are beautiful. ('The wine glass is always half full'.) Others look like I've seen them before. ('As gracefully as a swan,') But it wasn't bad, no... I wouldn't say that. I'm not 100% sure what its missing.

Maybe it should be more organized? Maybe the story behind it is too scattered? I can't tell.