Duskglimmer

First off, since I see you're new here, welcome to the YWS! It's nice to see that you're jumping right into the literary forums. I read this, and the first ...

*grins* look! Ari wrote something! *plops down in chair and reads the whole thing through* *grins some more* very nicely done, Ari, more of the stuff that makes me wonder ...

First off: "toughts" should be "thoughts"... it made me laugh trying to read it as "toughts". Take a look in my mind, be surprised of what you will find. Take ...

This feels like a list... with an idea introduced at the end that is never really explored. Honestly, it reads more like a brainstorm to get ideas than a finished ...

I'm in a really hyper mood and this had me laughing... a lot... This was probably my favorite stanza: At art we tried to paint murals A dedication to our ...

Just a general rule of thumb: when a new person starts speaking, it becomes a new paragraph. So here: “Hurry Isha” Grandfather called as he watched the small figure stumble ...

Having these two lines back to back is absolutely contradictory. You need to either take one of them out, or if you really want to work in both thoughts, find ...

I really liked this. Wish I could give something more constructive, but I'm pretty much incapable of that when it comes to poetry. My favorite lines were: Why don't I ...

Aw, dang... now I want to punch the guy for thinking he could just ignore her... *punches pillow for lack of a real person to take it out on* 2 ...

For the most part I enjoyed this. I'm really quite interested in where you're going to go and what sort of characters are going to turn up. Three things stood ...

wow... not exactly what I expected from the title, but okay... I thought the rhyming was a little distracting because I found myself jumping ahead to provide a rhyme myself ...

It was sad.... but I think that is what you were aiming for, so all is good. I have to agree with Angel17. The ending didn't seem to complete it ...

Soliel, this is cute. But whether it's any good or not, you can't base whether you continue on with poetry or not on what someone thinks of one piece. Believe ...

Yikes... psycho 2-year-old... *shudders* anyways... on to something more constructive... The very first paragraph is extremely confusing. You jump between topic so quickly and it's not clear where one

It seems a little unemotional in and of itself. I never really got the feeling that he was bothered by being in prison, it just seemed like it was another ...