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Re: The Things I Carry
I look towards the map and decide on a destination; preference is extended towards the five boroughs and the Metropolitan Transit Authority- This statement suddenly seemed oddly stated, but after ...
Sep 13, 2011 -
Re: Feathers in the wind
Well, it's a short poem that I didn't completely understand the concept of: Oh dear, imprudent fellow – You – why do you write like this? the portion seemed weird ...
Sep 12, 2011 -
Re: REMOVED
It sounds like it came from the movie my soul to take. The imagery was missing, rhyming went weell but you must have noiticed glitches ion ur grammmar, I also ...
Sep 11, 2011 -
Re: games
The the game is solved. The the kings stack up like Sherwood venison, I play red, you, black, and we skim two of the humours across quadrants, planes, ……….the Chinooks ...
Sep 10, 2011 -
Re: Insecurity
I always thought you'd be My prince charming. somehow this doesn’t rhyme Now I see you took advantage of my insecurity You never really liked me. I see the emotion, ...
Sep 9, 2011 -
Re: Forgive
Forgive Is this the title? …….Forgive the ground: unfertile, dry. we usually say Infertile land, make infertile, dry’ the next line. …………………we are irrelevent just the same. irrelev
Sep 9, 2011 -
Re: Serpent's Teeth [1]
Lord, you write huge stuff! I’m not an avid reader or expert writer, I’ll simply say what I feel. Hope you’re fine with that. piano sounding sour, feels a bit ...
Sep 9, 2011 -
Re: Freedom
I'm sick of this life That this maze of pain and sadness I want to get out I don't belong to this world I broke the chains that binds me ...
Sep 9, 2011 -
Re: White lines
Started out little , smoking weed 'til it's dry I feel that punctuation was missing here later needing something different, something else to try So let me introduce myself , ...
Sep 9, 2011 -
Re: Only Hope
your sweet poison infects my blood stream, from this line create a new paragraph and like wise do so every time u change the rhyming pattern. The song..or was it ...
Sep 8, 2011 -
Re: Alone, but alive
Happy birthday, I am quite right twenty This felt redundant- the qiute right part having been cursed for this latter decade to share what do u mean by a date ...
Sep 8, 2011 -
Re: Purity Lost
The rain trickled down on her perfectly done, auburn hair. Rain droplets joined the tears on her makeup-caked rosy cheeks. Well, I’m not an avid reader, maybe that’s y- but ...
Sep 7, 2011 -
Re: One with Serenity
Sunlight peeks through the clouds and dances on the tips of blades, green and rich as moss in a swamp. I see u’re breaking sentences, it gives this sort of ...
Sep 7, 2011 -
Re: The Fate I Never Chose
Since when are u a poet? Oh and an epic one too! (I'm being my toughest critic- don't mind.) You actually have good imagery, it’s like describing in a story ...
Sep 7, 2011 -
Re: Heavenly Dark
Sometimes black,And sometimes white. But always in time This sounds more appropriate To make it right. You twist shatter flows in better my heartInto a million pieces,And catch my breathUntil ...
Sep 5, 2011
