One with Serenity

I like this poem. I like how it makes you feel like so much is happening, but at the same time like so little is happening. My one critique would be that the stanza that begins with "The result of serenity" doesn't really fit the first line. It's actually quite odd to read about serenity, and then have the next line have the word peculiar in it. Kind of interesting, but I would still try to make that fit better. That's my only critique, though, the rest looks good. I like the mood of the poem. Hope this helps!
-tgirly

Confused.pirate wrote:Sunlight peeks through the clouds
and dances on the tips
of blades,
green and rich as moss
in a swamp. I see u’re breaking sentences, it gives this sort of ‘speacial effect’ But be careful, it can distract the reader. I donno if this is supposed to be a blank verse or not. If not the rhyming doesn’t seem to flow very well.

Vines softly touch
the stream, as if This effect was different than the breaking sentence thing b4, it seemed odd. But I see u did it to make this para rhyme. But if u could make some alteration, the nice flow wudnt be lost
yearning to be one
with the peaceful sea.

The constant rush of water
loosely hugs the rocks
while passing by,
continuing on to its journey
of greatness. The description here was impressive, poetry was felt. But I didn’t feel y u placed rush in italics

Like a stampede, the Maybe my reading pattern has issues, I didn’t like the breaking of ‘the’ here
……..freedom.

The result is serenity.
……the worker bees in Times Square. I like this statement, this imagery makes u think
A lizard scampers under a rock,
leaving its aqua tail exposed to this to cud be put into the next line to improve flow
the sunlight.

As the breeze
embracing the joy, [i] I like the ending. Overall, great imagery and description. Also, I loved ur pace, helped me envision the poem. Even if some places seemed to need alterations, u didn’t lose my attention for one moment.
embracing nature's beauty.

This is so beautiful it's unbelievible. I couldn't stop reading from the first line of the first stanza to the last line of the last stanza. It captures the true beauty of mother nature and poetry itself and I'm glad that it's deep. It is deep, and, completly perfect. Ignore all other reviews because this was perfect and nothing needs to be changed at all.



~Faith