Feathers in the wind

Oh dear, imprudent fellow –

You –

with your witless whispers, a
tongue iced with scorn;
fingers laced with malicious rumour

have scattered feathers.

They freckle the ground underfoot –
a fateful catalyst.
The soft quills drift frivolously
in the wind, slug venom
into senseless hearts; mar reputation.

But worst of all

they can never be retrieved.

Comments & reviews · 6
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Well, it's a short poem that I didn't completely understand the concept of:
Oh dear, imprudent fellow – You – why do you write like this? the portion seemed weird to me.
atongue iced with scorn;- you forgot a space and this sentence was very nicely expressed.
a fateful catalyst.- I don't undrstand this portion.
slug venom into senseless hearts; - another good sentence- I got this.
Hope my review helps. Good luck!:D

User avatar
Jas
Comment

*save spot for review*

Pretty good imo. I like it! perfectly dark...as all poetry should be. I'll be checking out your other postings....

User avatar
tgirly
Review
tgirly wrote a review · Mon Sep 12, 2011 12:48 am

I like it. My only problem is that the flow seems a little erratic in parts, I feel like the "a" at the end of the line is kinda isolated. It would make more sense if you did that in the second stanza too. But other than that, I like the poem a lot. I like the theme and your voice. A very nice poem, all in all.
Hope this helps.
-tgirly

That sounds like an indictment of internet message boards in general. And a very good one at that!



I feel like if men sent unsolicited dragon pics instead of *other* unsolicited pics they’d get a lot further in life
— ShadowVyper