Published September 11, 2011
Oh dear, imprudent fellow –
You –
with your witless whispers, a
tongue iced with scorn;
fingers laced with malicious rumour
have scattered feathers.
They freckle the ground underfoot –
a fateful catalyst.
The soft quills drift frivolously
in the wind, slug venom
into senseless hearts; mar reputation.
But worst of all
they can never be retrieved.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Well, it's a short poem that I didn't completely understand the concept of:
Oh dear, imprudent fellow – You – why do you write like this? the portion seemed weird to me.
atongue iced with scorn;- you forgot a space and this sentence was very nicely expressed.
a fateful catalyst.- I don't undrstand this portion.
slug venom into senseless hearts; - another good sentence- I got this.
Hope my review helps. Good luck!:D
*save spot for review*
Pretty good imo. I like it! perfectly dark...as all poetry should be. I'll be checking out your other postings....
I like it. My only problem is that the flow seems a little erratic in parts, I feel like the "a" at the end of the line is kinda isolated. It would make more sense if you did that in the second stanza too. But other than that, I like the poem a lot. I like the theme and your voice. A very nice poem, all in all.
Hope this helps.
-tgirly
That sounds like an indictment of internet message boards in general. And a very good one at that!