Published September 8, 2011
I inject my body with an addicting drug,
my brain stops working, completely numb.
My heart pumps quickly, my vision blurs,
your sweet poison infects my blood stream,
so i close my eyes and picture the perfect dream,
you.
You sitting there with me,
placing your hand in mine, giving me a key, to your soul.
Completely mine you say,
my heart is yours to mold, in your delicate hands, like clay.
I whisper close in your ear that i love you,
and you whisper back "i love you too."
The perfect dream fades away,
and i realize on my bed i lay.
Only dreaming of you,
with no actuality.
The drug that swims through my body,
is only hope.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,220 Literary Works • 672,514 Reviews
I could just feel sorrow, to find that it was all a dream! That's happened to me before and it sucks! I really liked this hope can be like a drug you never want to let it go even if sometimes it does lead you to your death or nowhere.
There are some slight grammatical poetic problems, like not capitalizing some beginning of lines, but capitalizing others. I couldn't really see a pattern with that, so you should probably go and look at that. Also, it should be "To youR soul" instead of "to you soul." You need to work on your flow a little bit, because I was having trouble picking it up.
I thought it was deep though, you could really feel the bitter-sweet melancholy feeling, when she woke up and found that it was just a dream. I like your metaphor, and how you carried it throughout the poem. Good job.
Hope this helps!
-tgirly
Wonderful poem! I really like it! It has a nice flow and it rhymes nicely. Good topic! I love this! Good job and keep up the great work!
Wow, this speaks to me. Great truly Great
your sweet poison infects my blood stream,
from this line create a new paragraph and like wise do so every time u change the rhyming pattern. The song..or was it apoem rhymes well. The flow also seemed impressinvely done.
To you soul,
seemed wrong and out of place, I didn't understand that, k? N the sentence after that you seemed to misspell close. The plot came through. Good work.
I love this!!!!!
You go boy!