DiskElemental

This piece lacks subtlety and, by extension, humor.

Nice job copying Spongebob.

Wow. I'll get around to a proper review later, but I would buy this book in a heart beat.

Wrote this in 15 minutes for a flash poetry contest, so I apologize in advance.

You need to space this out. Put line breaks between the paragraphs, it'll make the story a whole lot more readable. Other than that, something about this piece seems. . ...

Crit Ticket. I'll get to this either tomorrow night or later in the week.

If you want anyone to even consider reading this, then put in some line/paragraph breaks and remove all the triple question marks.

Right now it's just one solid chunk of writing, put a space between the lines so it's easier to read.

Not until you space it out properly.

. . . If you want anyone to even consider read this, add some line and paragraph breaks, and remove ALL of the triple question marks.

I got that this was magical realism, but the magic bits still have to have significance to the overarching story. You shouldn't just throw them in there.

Going to post my final comments here, because the system won't count my line by line as a review, but I want my review points daggummit. You've got a few ...

No, I just had two exams to study for.

Crit ticket. I'll get to this some time tomorrow.