DarkerSarah

This was more like a poem than fiction. It was lovely, though. Good job. The only thing is that I would like a little more development of characters and plot. ...

There was too much dialogue in this. And the fact that the father called his daughter "child" and "my love" sounded forced. The whole piece was forced and cliche. I ...

A little too emo and reminiscent of Gollum for my taste, but very well written. I'm not sure if you changed it around since Hunter's post, but I could clearly ...

I thought this idea was a little cliche, but it was extremely well executed. The stream of conscienceness was very well done, and very believeable. There was a typo at ...

As a story I liked this. I liked the tone and I liked where you are going, even it's not exactly clear as to the direction. And in the first ...

My fingers are bleeding, small, scarlet drips that fall onto the paper with a rhythmic pitter-patter and spread in tiny, spidery crimson branches from the pool from whence it began. ...

It was very nice, very simple. I liked how hopelessly real it was. I really enjoy your writing, I don't know if I've told you that yet. I enjoy simplicity ...

This was very, very good. The story was interesting and moved quickly, but was also steadily paced. Your grammar was flawless, which is probably the highest compliment I can give ...

I'm not a guy, either, but I think this was very well worded. The subject matter was a little boring to me, personally, but I suppose not many pieces get ...

Your dialogue is good, and it is really the only thing that moves the story along smoothly. I don't have a problem with the story, but there are some grammatical/English ...

This was good --an honest glimpse into a young girl's facade-obsessed psyche. The artificially chilled air I didn't like this, though. Seemed unnecessary, really. I liked the Aisle 5, aisle ...

I'd like to repeat what Kay and Crysi said about enjoying it or not. But this was so well written it's amazing, and I adored the ending. This piece reminds ...

I liked your revision. It wasn't much different, but it flows better and it's less intimidating to read because you only included the first part. Tonight though, was an acceptation, ...

"I haven’t been up there since the afternoon it happened, and I wasn’t about to go back up now." - This is just being knit-picky, because I really liked your ...

This is very, very good. The only suggestion I have for you is that I think "We first saw them as we rode over a sand dune" sounds better than ...