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Voices

by Duskglimmer


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Thu Dec 28, 2006 6:36 am
Certainly Love says...



I actually understood this story. It was rather, nice. Good work...




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Tue Dec 26, 2006 3:36 am
Jiggity wrote a review...



One says, glancing out my eyes and then moving father back into my head


further/farther

I think I may be alone in this, but the beginning with One is a little odd; I thought that perhaps First, Second and so on would be more appropriate. If only cos of the 'one says this, the other says that' type feel it gives initially.

That's really everything, I think, and again, some excellent writing Dusky. Very good character definition.




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Mon Jan 23, 2006 3:26 am
Duskglimmer says...



The Black Rose wrote:Yes, I can totally relate to this. It was beautifully written and I love it.... this has to be the best thing I have ever read in a long while *wipes tear from eye*

*sniffles*
I NEED A HUG *sobs* This was really good!


thank you... *gives out hugs and necessary*

Thanks to all of you.




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Sun Jan 22, 2006 3:23 am
Elizabeth wrote a review...



“He’s so beautiful when he smiles…” Three continues. “Just look at him… please…”

Yes, I can totally relate to this. It was beautifully written and I love it.... this has to be the best thing I have ever read in a long while *wipes tear from eye*

*sniffles*
I NEED A HUG *sobs* This was really good!




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Sun Jan 22, 2006 2:45 am
Nicole Lynn says...



I liked that this showed how we argue with oursevles. It definitely reminded me of me...though I've never had a boyfriend to be bale to break up with or be dumped by. Good job!




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Sun Jan 08, 2006 6:50 pm
Christianne_015 wrote a review...



My favorite part was near the end, where her ex comes over and asks if she's okay. I also like the part where the people in Kate's head are all like, "She [the new girlfriend] just remembers what it feels like," or something along those lines.

I thought it was pretty well-written. What really made me happy was the lack of many spelling and grammar errors that I seem to see a lot in anything I read. I don't think I even saw any errors in the story. But then again, I didn't re-read every single sentence.




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Sun Jan 08, 2006 4:14 am
Jennafina says...



Lol, oops, sorry. I feel evil now.




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Tue Jan 03, 2006 8:38 pm
Duskglimmer says...



Wow... I love it when people dig up old work... lol... Thanks for all the comments, guys...

Jennafina - there are two sequels up here on the YWS. They're called "Voices II" and "Voices III: the break-up". Go ahead and check them out.




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Mon Jan 02, 2006 4:47 am
J. Haux wrote a review...



Wow. Just--wow. Oh, Dusky, you are so talented! The turbulance of self-conflict was very well portrayed. :D At first I thought that she was going to be skitzophrenic (<spelling--awful, I know), but it wasn't at all.

I could tell a difference between the voices, especially One and Two: Reason and Anger. Three and Four were a little harder to differenciate, but I don't think it matters. I could tell that Three was the part of her that was still in love and hopeful, and Four was like nostalgia, bittersweet remembrance and longing.

Very emotional, and creative. I loved it!

~Jacquie~




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Mon Jan 02, 2006 1:57 am
Jennafina wrote a review...



Wow! Thats amazing! :D I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said.

Except this:

“Maybe she really does,” One says, glancing out my eyes and then moving father back into my head so that she can think without having to watch.


Shouldn't 'father' be 'farther'?



I can't wait to see your sequel!




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Mon Jan 02, 2006 12:18 am
Crayon says...



Wow Duskie, you are so talented! I really liked this peice, for a little while at the beginning i was competly lost but thats just because I had a late night last night.




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Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:59 am
Shriek wrote a review...



LOVES it.
Great portrayal of emotion here.
However. (Gosh, I hate to sound redundant, but) I had difficulty telling the difference between voice 1, 3, and 4. Four in particular doesn't seem to stand out in my mind as being, what's the word? Pivotal? She doesn't really have any EMOTION connected with her, so it's difficult to see what facet of Kate she represents. Yes, her motive is memory, but what emotion comes with it? Pain? Jealousy?

My suggestion would be find an emotion to go with four (because, essentially, they're ALL memory oriented) or cancel her out and blend her thoughts with the three remaining voices. Three would be easier to keep track of, anyhow.

But just a suggestion!
Other than that, wonderful job, Dusky. This was a very powerful piece.




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Mon Jul 25, 2005 2:55 pm
janice wrote a review...



Hi there.
I really enjoyed reading this. It's quite the sort of thing that anyone can relate to at some point in their lives because we all have voices in our head, arguing all the time, (or at least I do :shock: ) but this was very well written. I liked the dialouge, and the only suggestion I could make ha already been said... Make it clear which emotion each number represents.
Apart from that! I am looking forward to reading the next part.
Janice




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Sat Jul 16, 2005 5:58 pm
Kay Kay says...



I liked it. I can relate to the character Jen on how the voices in her head argue with whether she should or shouldn't hang out with them. I look forward to reading more. Good job!




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Fri Jul 15, 2005 12:35 am
Areida says...



Really? Cool! I'd like to read more of this style... it's really cool. Wait, that was redundant. Sorry, I'm tired. But what I'm trying to say is that I like it. A lot.




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Fri Jul 15, 2005 12:16 am
Duskglimmer says...



Thanks! I've got a sequel in the works right now...




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Thu Jul 14, 2005 7:36 pm
Crysi says...



...Wow. I love this. So much. If ever you want to see the chaos that constantly goes on in my mind, this definitely shows it. Although my chaos is usually with two, maybe three voices. Not four.

I hope you write more. This was really great!




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Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:49 pm
LiNdSeYo7 says...



Ohhhhh I loved the idea! Nice job..




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Sun Jun 26, 2005 4:59 pm
DarkerSarah wrote a review...



A little too emo and reminiscent of Gollum for my taste, but very well written. I'm not sure if you changed it around since Hunter's post, but I could clearly tell which number was which emotion. That seems like it would be difficult. It's also very keen to real, natural teenage emotions.

The end was strong, but the dialogue you gave the guy was weak. It held no emotion, and I don't think three was prominent enough when he spoke to Kate. I mean, obviously all of the emotions would be strong, but it seems to me (this is just a personal opinion, of course) that three would try to be a little more forceful.

Wow! You must have done a better job than I first thought, since I'm getting so into the emotions and the numbers.

-Sarah




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Sat Jun 25, 2005 11:42 pm
Duskglimmer says...



Thanks to both of you.

Kilty wrote:Is there more to it?


Not at this time. The main character (Kate), is giving me some trouble because of just how emotional this topic is for me. I wrote it to try and figure out what this other girl was thinking, so Kate is not really me. Although, the more I'm sitting here and thinking about this, I think it might be fun to do a little more. Maybe in a different place, little different situation.

I'll think about it. If other people would be interested in reading more, it may become more probable.




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Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:36 pm
lon_205 says...



That was really original and enjoyable. I liked the way you portrayed the different sides you were feeling, something we've all felt. Great job :)




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Sat Jun 25, 2005 4:06 am
Kilty wrote a review...



This is a great story. I like how you personified different parts of the brain. It's really imaginative! I do suggest giving each one a more distinct personality, so that through their differences you can see how they work together--I dunno. It is an interesting concept. Anyway, great story. Is there more to it?




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Tue Jun 21, 2005 8:19 pm
Duskglimmer says...



*laughs and blushes* thanks... tweaking is under way...




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Tue Jun 21, 2005 7:45 pm
Areida wrote a review...



Good Lord, Dusky. No wonder you won "Best Writer"!!

This was incredible. I loved it... it was clever, creative, evocative.

Man.

Maybe you could tweak it a bit to make the personalities of the voices a bit more defined. Other than that, I adored it. Fan-tab-u-lus.




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Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:39 pm
Duskglimmer says...



Okay. I'll work on that and see if I can't revise it a little.




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Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:37 pm
Ego says...



Actually I like the numbers. Generic, yet interesting. If you just change the dialogue and the WAY they do things, like stompin around for Two instead of walking around....you know?




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Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:36 pm
Duskglimmer says...



Thanks. I was hoping that I did a good job on it, but it as sort of hard to write, considering that I'm the Jen character in real life.

I thought about naming the voices. Like One would have been "Common Sense", Two would have been "Furious", Three would have been "Head Over Heels", and Four would have been "Memory". Would that work better? Or should I just try to redo some of the dialouge to make things a little clearer?




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Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:36 pm
Meshugenah says...



I like this. Little bit of a gollum thing going on, but which of us doesn't have a few voices in our heads arguing?




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Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:32 pm
Ego wrote a review...



Dusky.....jeez this was good to read--it totally reflects me, even though I know it's not...

I really liked this. Alot.

I have but one nit-pick--I didn't notice much a of a character difference between the four voices...perhaps if you better defined them with a specific emotion/ outlook it would be more efficient? Maybe i'm just not reading it correctly...

In anycase, I really enjoyed this. Great job.





I'm worried about the tigers just kinda roaming around like that, Jack.
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