CorianderLee

Hello, time for a review, The first three paragraphs are very bland. Have you ever read a play at school and it describes the scene? Well, that's what it felt ...

Hello, time for a review. "...drenched like taking a shower which is given by nature" This doesn't sound quite right. I suggest: "...drenched, like taking a shower from nature." "They ...

Well, like the others have pointed out there needs to be more paragraph. With that mentiond, I press on. I laughed a bit, “How cute I have a feisty little ...

Ello, time for a review. "After all, there was no use dwelling on the little events." The "on" before dwelling is unnecessary. It makes the second "on" repetitive and choppy. ...

Hello there, well this a very interesting story line and I really like the idea. Like greentulip said you do need to make more paragraphs. you also need to give ...

You should definitely keep going with this since you didn't really explain much. This is more like an intro to the story. It has potential. The only thing I would ...

Hello there, Cori, here to review! This story has potential, but, like the other reviewers said, it was rushed. We noticed the girls' emotions, but we didn't really feel them. ...

Ohmygoodness! Really really good! I might do the same as Dave if my sister only talked in questions. So the only grammar and spelling problems I can find were already ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! OK, so I really liked this! The point that our brains are our greatest gift, but can also be the death of us is ...

This is a great story! It hasn't gotten very far, but I can already tell it's going to be interesting! You are an amazing writer! Your description is great, and ...

Hello! I like this idea and like SubtleSanity said I does have potential. Unfortunately it was very hard to read. I almost gave up, and I'm not sure that you ...

Hello! I really liked this plot! The whole time I was worried what would happen to the friend. I didn't see any grammatical errors except for the ones magenta has ...

Oooo this is interesting! I didn't see any grammatical errors that hadn't already been pointed out. I did want to mention though that your character seems to find a lot ...