Cobra

This is a great series you've got going on here, and I like the part where Arnold has the flashback/dream to his father's death, even if it didn't make any ...

This is quite good for your first story, but you need to explain this more. You haven't given us much information about the story, or why the main character is ...

This is a good piece! Brian seems mysteriously sinister but that could just be a fluke. You're describing life on the island fairly well but this doesn't have all that ...

Once again, the guys above me have already said what I planned to. I really need to hurry up and critique more stuff before that happens. Anyway, this was slightly ...

Well, the people before me have already said everything. I'm intrigued by this; why do they have eleven days? Why not ten or twelve or even the unlucky thirteen? Well, ...

Dude, this is a VERY short piece of work and doesn't exactly give me much to review or critique at all. It is, as the others before me have all ...

Okay, you have some grammatical issues here, but those can easily be sorted out. Try proof-reading your work, or reading it out loud to yourself. The only other thing I ...

Dude, is this a variation on the Warhammer 40k scene? Because if it is, it's pretty far gone. Firstly, the Orks were around for ages before humans arrived - they ...

Right, this has potential to be a really dramatic fight scene but you have several spelling and grammar errors, most of which thatannagirl pointed out. Apart from that, you need ...

This has quite a good storyline overall, but you've set it out in quite a strange way. You have sometimes put carriage returns where there don't need to be any ...

Cool! Lots of blood and gore and death - you should join the Black Horror usergroup and write on the "kill the user above you" activity. I have a feeling ...

This seems to be a story about vampires but I don't quite get a couple of points. If the vampires can teleport why do they need to get into her ...

There are quite a lot of info dumps in this story and sometimes that can be a bonus but here it just clogged up the storyline. Also, how big is ...

This looks like an interesting piece of work, but some of your grammar is a bit shaky -e.g. "a worthy and proud name I started going to an all boys ...

I can tell that this is going to be another vampire story - cool! But if you're writing a vampire story, make sure that you add some variations on it, ...