Chosenofair

Hi there! Let me start by saying welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here. It's really a great resource for any budding writer, and no matter what people ...

The overall idea of the poem is a strong one, but after a couple of readings, it tends to become a bit cliche. It could be any two sisters torn ...

I agree with much of what lilymoore said about this. The "Police-y lady" does seem a little silly after a while, not to mention that fact that this situation even ...

It kind've reminded me of the movie "Cherry 2000". They're robots used for taking care of the house, and sometimes even sex. Your signature was what reminded me of that, ...

Like everyone said, Nick seems to be a cookie-cutter character. The use of dialogue was great, and seemed to help with moving along the story, if I knew what the ...

Most everything was covered in the previous reviews, but I have to point out a couple things they missed: "There was circles under her eyes" should be "There were circles ...

You're missing out on a lot of details, it seems. For instance, the narrator: boy or girl? Young or old? Which of the two must live? The writing style was ...

I didn't really like it. It was good, and has some nice grammar detailing, but I didn't get any connections out of it. Yes, your narrator had a "voice", but ...

Whoa, what happened? She walks through the gate and just... disappears? What's behind the gate? Who is "he"? I wanna know!! See? This is the problem when I see something ...

I love your writing style! It reminds me of the beginning of the book The Eyes of the King by Catherine Banner. It's very sophisticated and it draws the reader ...

Ummm... wow. I honestly don't know what to say to this. It is so... cliched. So strange. It's like someone took a Disney movie and put the happy-happy charms on ...

I really like this. Your character has a very distinct personality that is quite honestly extrememly different from any character I have read about before. She's an outcast, yes, but ...

I like the use of description here. You have a lot of potential in this field. Just a little refinement is neede, and this could turn into a very well-crafted ...

Are you describing a dream? It's amazingly detailed, and wonderfully crafted. I could see a story forming from this. Actually, I'm thinking of a story that could be formed from ...

This is pretty good, for a short little thing. Your characters immediately speak and you can see their personality. However, I think you need a touch more elaboration on their ...