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Re: Melting into each other...
What a love story! But I think the title could do a little better. After all, it's just the lovers' names, trailing off into the story. It could be a ...
Jul 16, 2018 -
Re: In love and War-Pokemon Fanfiction-Chapter 1
I see you're channeling Erin Hunter's Warriors series! Well, let me step in. Comma Placement: Where commas are needed by convention is after your dialogue tags, if the sentence continues. ...
Jul 16, 2018 -
Re: Advanced: Chapter One-My Life--A Cautionary Tale
Hey. I thought I'd swing by for Review Day. Better late than never to fulfill that promise, right? I love Fen's character, and how likable he is as a shapeshifting ...
Aug 28, 2016 -
Re: My Life in a Bizarre Town: Chapter 6
Have a review! So, first of all, plot. Main character has a mystical martial-arts-hack power. Cool. I'm not sure why you felt the need to have a disposable gonk pervert, ...
Feb 28, 2016 -
Re: The love of a vampire chapter 1
Hello, I'm Chaser. You've certainly got a nice piece here. Allow me to review. It was kind of questionable to start the story like that. The main problem lies in ...
Jan 31, 2016 -
Re: The Asylum of the Mind
Chaser, at your service! To begin, plot: excellent. You've really got a gift for internal conflict. The slow deterioration of the setting helps with that as well, complementing the theme ...
Dec 13, 2015 -
Re: The Return of Magic: Part One Chapter Seven: Kalihr
Apologies and happy Review Day! Beginning with plot, this story seems to flow pretty well. While Kalihr's message is a little predictable (I mean, he's the enemy, and Avalon recognizes ...
Nov 29, 2015 -
Re: Last Stand Chapter 6: Two Outcasts Part 2(Reframed)
Time for a review if you don't mind. To begin, the plot here is flowing smoothly. While I do think that the romance here might be a bit too obvious ...
Nov 20, 2015 -
Re: Chapter 1: An Ordinary Day
Like a flash of lightning, I review! Starting with the plot, I enjoyed the way you balanced together Raj's everyday routines with the supernatural element of Arathus. The "voice in ...
Nov 15, 2015 -
Re: Retribution
Well, I encouraged it, so I'll review it. First off: plot. Well, you've certainly set the tone for this piece. While it's difficult to spot Jack's character flaws right now, ...
Nov 10, 2015 -
Re: Hidden Spires: Prologue. (Fixed)
Not posting the rest? That's a shame. To begin, you've got a fine lead on the plot. We're already getting a feel for the larger forces at play, without any ...
Nov 9, 2015 -
Re: Saving Kelsea Ch. V
Okay, let's start! Plot: The bar was a nice choice of setting, and the underlying techniques you use are impressive as well. While I'm pondering over the mystery of Warren's ...
Oct 26, 2015 -
Re: The Quest for Fire Book One ~ Into the Mists Chapter 2
Hello there! I'm a reviewer. Plot: So, it's not the best I've seen. Old man sacrifices himself, ancient monster, dangerous allies; I've seen it before. The story is carried more ...
Oct 26, 2015 -
Re: Mother and Father Part Seven (Jigoku Shoujo The Saved and the Damned)
So, this is how it all ends. All in all, a solid read. Obviously, the most dynamic feature of this segment is plot. You could see it coming, but you ...
Oct 25, 2015 -
Re: Mother and Father Part Six (Jigoku Shoujo The Saved and the Damned)
Oh my. Well, the plot's a big part of this. Spiritual writing is a touchy subject, but I'll try my best as a fellow Christian to handle it respectfully. First ...
Oct 25, 2015
