Cassandra

I think that you're trying to use swear words to up the emotion and intensity of your piece. And it works...sometimes. But most of the time, it does not. Why? ...

I agree with the above comments. The "classic" thing isn't really working for me, especially with the modern-sounding orange juice and oatmeal. The main character was dry and witty enough ...

The real problem with this, I think, is the pacing. It seems rushed. The beginning started off well: good descriptions, etc. But it seemed to speed right up from there, ...

If I may ask--why did you rate this as "R"? It certainly doesn't seem to me to contain any adult content. And perhaps this would be better suited in the ...

Beautiful. Brilliant. Bewitching. Beauteous. ((How many more adjectives starting with the letter "B" do you think I can come up with to describe this piece? :D )) I am very ...

You make me want to give your main character a big hug and tell him it will all get better eventually. And I want to punch Elena in the face. ...

Please keep in mind im only 15, Please don't say that again. Most here will think this being your first writing post is more important than your age. Exactly! I ...

Ummm...*Feels embarrassed* I just discovered that I had a draft of a short little crit for this in my folder from a month or so ago...but hey, better late than ...

I've been meaning to read this for sometime--there's a poster for the movie in my English class, plus it's by Palahniuk, an author from whom Panic! At The Disco gets ...

Things You Did Right Lumière finally persuaded the enthusiastic man to leave, as the show would be starting any minute and he wanted no distractions. As the usher paced away ...

Awww. Poor Sirius! I'm really hating your main character too! And...James wasn't a seeker. He was a chaser. The movies just messed it up. But I'm probably the only Harry ...

It seems I beat you, Cassandra :-) It would seem so. :D I shall add this book to my ever growing reading list.

Such an enjoyable read. This has a fantasy, magical feel to it because of the unicorn, but at the same time it's so eerie and mysterious. I can't wait to ...

Fantastic. I too love the description--the "dress", her silver buttons. Very cool. Would be looked at totally differnt if not for the title. XD Nice work. :D

I'll have to disagree about the capitalization. I think you definitely need to capitialize the first letter of every stanza, plus whenever you begin a new sentence, but don't capitalize ...