Young Writers Society

Hey,

This is just a really rough beginning to a story I have had on my mind for a long time. See I read a lot of books on city girls going to the country but rarely one of a country girl (Like myself) adjusting to the big city. So here is the start of the tale. Just looking for some criticism, be it harsh or gentle. I just want to know if you think this would catch a reader’s attention.

Please keep in mind im only 15, only started writing about a year ago and this is the first piece I have really put to others to read. Ohh and it’s a rough draft of a beginning I wrote today between formal dress shopping…

Scuse spelling or grammar errors.

Yup… Here goes…

I knew the moment I stepped out of my fathers Ute onto the cold cement footpath that I was never going to fit into the city. Looking up at the buildings I felt although I was in the scene of some movie, the huge cement structure defied gravity in every manner, and some office block’s you couldn’t even see the tops of. I soon figured out why they were called sky scrapers. I just stood looking about in utter awe of the magnificent creations though feeling rather out of place dressed in dusty jeans, the only clean pink blouse I had and a pair of boots. Watching the women walk past I tried desperately to form an idea of how they could possibly walk in heels so tall they were practically on their tip toes. For a moment it was almost dreamlike. Like I wasn’t really there, just watching, like I was invisible. Yet I soon found this wasn’t the case as Maggot, my dog, leapt out of the car, and did her business on the side walk. I stared at the mutt in utter disbelief for a moment but her expression said it all, ‘What? I had to go’ looking up red cheeked at the city dwellers I gave a nervous smile towards the people who looked utterly terrified to see such an imperfection on their lifeless walkway.

I soon understood, not only that I wouldn’t fit in. I would not be the invisible kind of reject. I would be the kind of reject drawing attention from all sorts of places. And with Maggots help I could possibly be the center of much taunting as she lacked the common dignity shared throughout canines in the city, and no amount of training could possibly help the kelpie-border collie cross. After all you can take the dog away from the country but never take the country away from the dog. Walking to the back of the Ute I picked up my huge bag containing my entire wardrobe, consisting mainly of worn, sun bleached something’s or others and well sadly I only had one pair of shoes. The pair of shoes that adorned my feet. I left my dad with his car, as it would be a bitter loss to him. Having to sell his treasured piece of machinery to trade it in for a small city car. It was truly like selling his soul to the devil as he had sworn he wouldn’t. Yet the city traffic was not ideal for a large rusty old Ute that was well past its day and age.

Walking through the lobby of our apartment building, yes I was going from 1000’s of acres to simply a small unit block, and I almost tiptoed up to reception in fear of making a sound. The petite woman behind the counter was as cold looking as the rest of the city. In a stone grey suit, dark hair pulled back so tight it looked although it was plastic, and tiny half-moon glasses that allowed her to look over them at you with her shrewd green eyes she seemed to be just like one of the skyscrapers. Strong and rigid. I just looked at her for a moment, and she looked back. It was one of the most awkward moments in my life I swear. Then her voice cut through the air, like razors to my ears. “Yeeees?” she said it slowly, accentuating the E, but not in the common country drawl I was used to, more high pitched, like her nose had been blocked with some foreign object. I looked at her, again she looked back then I began to stutter, “Ohh well, umm, see” it was then she decided I was a complete and utter moron. After all, a country girl, with untouched blonde hair and niave blue eyes, well what could she possibly know about life and live in the city? Nothing. Exactly. “Im Kassandra” I finally managed to stutter after a good space of time. “Kassandra Timbleton”. Her gaze almost singed my eyebrows off my very face as I looked at her before one of the keys to my apartment; the other obviously for my father was thrown towards me.

I was just about to leave when I saw a look of absolute horror cross the woman’s face. I turned and watched as Maggot ambled through the door, unhasped by the utter cleanliness of the place and just waltzed on up to me with a relaxed look, her tail wagging softly. I was up the stairs to the apartment three at a time in moments. And Maggot bounced after not entirely understanding the game but loving it all the same. As unrefined as Maggot was she was a diamond in the rough, lazy in all ways possible yet energetic when needed. And it was a bargain with my father that would allow me to keep the slightly undersized Border collie cross in the small apartment. See I had to walk her at least 3 solid hours a day. Rain hail or shine, be it before or after school. Which was an agreement I was all to willing to take up to keep my beloved pet.

Struggling with the key I pushed the door to our apartment open and was slightly shocked, the room was so... Black and white. Everything, each and every decoration on the wall was either black or white. And I soon realised finding maggot in the mimes wonderland would be tricky. Especially because around bath time Maggot had the insane ability to suddenly become missing. I stepped into the room and before I could even tell Maggot not to get on the furniture she was spread out along the couch like she owned the place. Smirking lightly I left her there and went to find my room. The apartment was a lot more spacious than I had imagined, with a decent sized living room, two bedrooms (one being my fathers the other my own), a kitchen and a balcony. When I stepped into my room and began to unpack my few possessions it was from then I knew life would never be the same again.